A lot of mothers and women are writing posts today, justifying their actions as a woman. I highly anticipate the day this becomes unnecessary, and hope that my son never question a woman's motives. What they do is their choice, just as his actions are his own choices.
However, I too am jumping on to justify myself, as a woman and a mother.
When I found out I was pregnant with Bean (aww, throwback!), I immediately thought of all the crappy things my parents did, that I would never even contemplate. I remember resenting my mother for working when I was a kid - probably more of a tween, actually. So I decided I would not work. Didn't know how I'd make things work, being a single mother, but I didn't want to dump my baby into childcare and have them resent me as their only parent.
Then I actually had Spawn and after a few months, realised I didn't resent my mother for WORKING, I resented her for making me babysit my baby brothers while she did things after work. They were literally babies; there's a 10 and 11 year gap between us. What 12-13 year old really likes babies??? Especially babies that keep you from your friends. Blergh! Once I came to this realisation, I realised that working is what I needed to do to become a good parent. Well, that and the fact that sitting around doing nothing but clean vomit and change nappies was sending me bonkers. The sedentary life is not the life for me!
So at 18 months, Spawn went to childcare, after I made the selfish decision to relocate across country in Perth. I got a job, it sucked, the boss was a douche, but I was working, making a living, and having adult interactions - yay! Since that moment, I have made several decisions that have been deemed 'selfish'. Yet if I were a single dad, there would be nothing but praise for these decisions!
Making a big move? WHOA! You've got balls, mate!
Going back to study? Kudos to you, buddy! All the best!
Working and parenting?! Slay it, bro!
Going back to study, again?! HOLY SHIT DUDE! YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR! How do you do it?!
However as a woman, my ability to parent comes into question. Of course, there are those who praise my achievements, and these people rock! But there are the downers. Those who tell me to stop being selfish and start putting Spawn first. "Why are you studying when you could be spending that money on private tuition for Spawn?" "Don't you feel crap when you have to sacrifice fun time with Spawn in order to study?" "How do you survive placements, then come home and parent? Do you really feel like you're giving both roles the effort they deserve?"
NEWSFLASH, buddy. I receive a scholarship because I kick butt. I'm in a program for EXCEPTIONAL pre-service teachers. I have been invited into the Golden Key honour society. I have a child with autism and behavioural issues, who is BEHAVING AND DOING WELL AT SCHOOL. I have a child who, despite his circumstances, is well mannered, makes friends, and makes the best out of all possible situations. A child who is so damn determined, it actually scares me. A child who looks up to me and tells me he wants to be "just like Mum when I grow up". I am his role model. This kid who is so damn critical of society, deems me worthy of being a role model.
Sure, he criticises me for raising him without a father. He constantly asks when I'm going to buy a house, or get my hair done again, because it's "looking a little crazy, mum". But he respects me (most of the time) and is the first person to tell me I'm awesome and give me a 'dab five'.
So yeah, I'm killing it at this thing called life. I'm a kickass single mum, a determined university student, an ambitious go-getter, a special needs advocate, and most importantly, a woman who can roar!
So, ROAR, bitches. F**king ROAR.
Peace out.
- L. x
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