There's a war inside my head.

Sometimes I wish that I was dead, I'm broken.

I'm tired of trying to be normal
I'm always overthinking
I'm driving myself crazy
So what if I'm f*cking crazy?!

Do you ever hear a song and think to yourself: THAT'S MY SONG!!?
I do this. I do this a lot. Obviously, it depends on my mood - and my state of mind - as to whether certain songs are fitting of the ramblings inside my head.

Today though... Today is an "I'm gonna show you crazy" day. My dad left this morning after spending eight whole days here. Well, technically 8.5, but who was counting?! Don't get me wrong, I love my dad (most days) but he can be a bit......old-fashioned, for lack of a better word. This whole diagnosis process with Spawn is intense, and he's been so well behaved the past couple of weeks, so I was hoping to minimise the risk of meltdowns. We did good; he only had two or three, and only one was intense. Yay!
However, dad was so quick to insult him, just like he did to me when I was younger. Spawn freaked out at the shopping centre (understandable, given his sensory issues!) and then my dad proceeded to berate him and call him a baby for the rest of the afternoon. With Spawn being Spawn, he has "Poppy" on this massive pedestal, and I could see the sadness overtaking the spark in his eyes. It literally made my heart crack. Why are people so quick to shame kids for having a tantrum?? If they only took a moment to try and understand WHY the child was having a fit, they could resolve the problem in a much more peaceful way. Instead, my dad did what he does best, and I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling guilty for not standing up for Spawn, as I didn't want to create an even bigger scene in the shopping centre.

Ughhh, mummy guilt is the worst. Even now, thinking about it makes me sick. I'm sorry Spawn. I promise to never again put my own pride above your happiness. I will always stand up for you, even if it means being the bad guy to everyone else. <3

Plus side; he left me his Chromecast - YES! Best thing ever. Easy streaming of Netflix to my TV for dayyyysssssssss.

In other crazy news: Easter. Chocolate. Sugar. Tantrums. HEADACHE.
I ate too much chocolate. Spawn ate a tiny Lindt bunny, which is all it takes to send him troppo. So he's been feral all afternoon. And I'm over here going crazy from excessive noise and chocolate overload. Ain't Easter fun?!!!!

How do you say chocolate in Italian? Cioccolato. That's my new thing for today!
And Spawn's word for the week is 'discombobulated'. It sounds nothing like that when it comes out of his mouth, but he's trying and it's super adorable!! "I'm discombobulated this morning, mummy." Love this kid.

In wrapping this up, I'm just going to put it out there that I could REALLY go some poutine right now! Canada, why you so far away??? I want to visit you. I want to inhabit you. I want to own you. Let's be friends, always?

Peace out.

- L. x

P.S. In trying to find an image containing both chocolate AND poutine, I came across this?!!! WHAAAAAAT?! Puke or want? I'm not sure....