I Quit.

So who do I tender my resignation to?

Worst week of my life.
Started with my birthday on Monday. Didn't get a single phone call, present, or even a card. The only people who sang 'happy birthday' to me were the mums at Spawn's school, even though I told them to stop as so many people had screamed it at me already.

Yeah, I lied.
But who wouldn't when, on your 30th birthday, not even your PARENTS call to wish you happy birthday or console you on officially becoming old. Sure, they sent me generic "happy 30th birthday" texts, but they'd probably do the same for their neighbour they never speak to. I'm their firstborn. Their only daughter. WHAT. THE FUCK?!

So, that was the start of the shit. I ended up getting cards from my dad on Tuesday, along with a gift card. Yes, multiple cards from my dad, because he couldn't decide between humorous and sappy, apparently. And the local MP sent me best wishes as well. Also arrived on Tuesday. So Tuesday was okay. Until I picked Spawn up from school.
I don't know what it is with him lately, but he's killing my soul. Every day he breaks something or intentionally defies me in a serious way.

Hence my wanting to resign. I don't want to be a parent anymore. How can you successfully raise a child you go through periods of loathing? Yes, I occasionally loathe my own child. Does that make me a bad person?

I cannot stand that he is obnoxiously loud when he awakes around 5am. I cannot stand how asking him to be quiet results in him getting louder. I cannot stand the way he needs to destroy all my things. I loathe the way he shuts me down when I'm trying to parent him. I loathe that I have to threaten violence in order to get him to JUST. FUCKING. STOP. BREAKING. MY. HEART.
I fucking hate it. So much.

I hate that he makes me cry and question my ability to parent. I hate that my family is so unsupportive. I hate that the day before my birthday - a day I believe to be cursed, by the way - my dad calls me and tells me about his prostate tests coming back bad and therefore he's scared he has prostate cancer (he's since been cleared). I hate that in that same phone call, he tells me that he won't buy a house in the vicinity of where I live because he thinks I'll drop Spawn off on him all the time. HELLO?! Have I ever even asked you to ever babysit him?! I don't even trust my father to be around Spawn alone as his temper is worse than mine, but at least I have the advantage of understanding Spawn's quirks. THAT FUCKING PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH. Like, you can't even imagine. When the fuck did I ever give the impression that I dump my kid on people so I can go out and do my own thing all the time?? I have never done this! The only reason Spawn had had regular sleepovers at nanny's was because I needed a night to peacefully catch up on uni homework. FOR ONE SEMESTER.

Fuck you, Dad. That comment, along with your further insistence that I am that kind of parent when I tried to convince you otherwise......well, that cut me so deep. Good luck spending any time at all with Spawn when you move down here.
Particularly if the Sepo is coming back to Australia. Pfft. Like I want a sneaky bitch like her around my son on a regular basis?!! This woman claims to be such an angel, yet she would sneakily eat take away (she was supposed to be on a diet) when she thought nobody was looking. Then she racked up tens of thousands in gambling debt?!!!! Get fucked. No way.

Also, I apologise for my foul language. It helps me to express myself when I am particularly enraged. Haha.

So it's Thursday, right? What else has happened?
A whole container of cereal was thrown around the living room yesterday morning. That was fun. Made Spawn clean that up himself.
Countless toys have been thrown out.
My tablet has been broken and subsequently awaits its demise into the trash.
A plastic chair was broken last night.
Spawn has taken things that do not belong to him on the assumption that mummy doesn't share and needs to share her things.
One of my relaxing colouring books was destroyed as a result.
A dvd was broken. Yeah, he broke the actual disc. WHAT?!
My sanity has left the building. I no longer care. At all.
Spawn has spent yesterday and today home sick from school. On the last week before school holidays. The holidays I planned on making super fun. Instead, I'm going to go to bunnings and buy a lock for Spawn's bedroom so he can't destroy the house while I sleep. Because he IS Spawn; son of the fucking devil.

That'll do. No peace out today, there is no peace.

- L. x

As an aside, how awesome are the new snapchat features?! :)