School holidays.

Am I a bad parent?
Why does spending so much quality time with my child frustrate me?
Why are we both looking forward to the beginning of the school year?!!

These are but a few questions that run rampant in my mind during school holidays. I feel so inadequate as a parent. Some days I just want to lock Spawn in his room for a few hours, so I can have time to breathe on my own. Other days I get excited about the possibilities of the fun things we can do together! But then push comes to shove and we end up doing nothing, as I dread the possibility of a meltdown, tantrum, poor attitude, shitty people, or wanting something I cannot afford.
Why?!! Why can't I just enjoy time with Spawn, while I have it?! Lord knows he is growing up faster than I could ever imagine. It is only a matter of time before he is packing his things and moving out to start his own life. This, by the way, is a fucking terrifying prospect! When this happens, I will be entirely on my own. And that is nobody's fault but my own.

Why do school holidays often bring out the contemplative, depressing thoughts?
I often wonder this. Why? I mean, happy times! I'm a Christmas lover, so the month or two before Christmas is always a fun time. However, with the dismantling of the tree comes the disappearance of my cherry disposition. I become grouchy. Like a post-Christmas Grinch. How depressing. At least Spawn is having a great time. I signed him up for the Scholastic summer reading challenge and he has already racked up over 3,000 minutes reading! My little bookworm. <3

I'm currently making plans and hoping to stick to them. We have a (hopefully) good week of weather ahead of us, and I am determined to make some fun memories!!! Please, whoever is watching, let this happen!! Let me be the cool, fun mum again!!! Let me be the fun-spirited L again. Let me just ....I don't know? Live again.

Hope you're all enjoying summer! I'm loving this warm spell!

Peace out.

- L. x