School holidays.

Am I a bad parent?
Why does spending so much quality time with my child frustrate me?
Why are we both looking forward to the beginning of the school year?!!

These are but a few questions that run rampant in my mind during school holidays. I feel so inadequate as a parent. Some days I just want to lock Spawn in his room for a few hours, so I can have time to breathe on my own. Other days I get excited about the possibilities of the fun things we can do together! But then push comes to shove and we end up doing nothing, as I dread the possibility of a meltdown, tantrum, poor attitude, shitty people, or wanting something I cannot afford.
Why?!! Why can't I just enjoy time with Spawn, while I have it?! Lord knows he is growing up faster than I could ever imagine. It is only a matter of time before he is packing his things and moving out to start his own life. This, by the way, is a fucking terrifying prospect! When this happens, I will be entirely on my own. And that is nobody's fault but my own.

Why do school holidays often bring out the contemplative, depressing thoughts?
I often wonder this. Why? I mean, happy times! I'm a Christmas lover, so the month or two before Christmas is always a fun time. However, with the dismantling of the tree comes the disappearance of my cherry disposition. I become grouchy. Like a post-Christmas Grinch. How depressing. At least Spawn is having a great time. I signed him up for the Scholastic summer reading challenge and he has already racked up over 3,000 minutes reading! My little bookworm. <3

I'm currently making plans and hoping to stick to them. We have a (hopefully) good week of weather ahead of us, and I am determined to make some fun memories!!! Please, whoever is watching, let this happen!! Let me be the cool, fun mum again!!! Let me be the fun-spirited L again. Let me just ....I don't know? Live again.

Hope you're all enjoying summer! I'm loving this warm spell!

Peace out.

- L. x

Be yourself, and no-one else.

"Be yourself, and no-one else!"
How cute is that? Spawn is obsessed with Anh Do's 'WeirDo' series, and one of the books has that line as a sing-song phrase. Subsequently, Spawn is now singing it, a lot. Not that I mind. It's such a powerful statement that more children need to absorb. So many children try so hard to conform to the interests of those they look up to. The result of this leads to children losing their individuality, their personality, their 'thing'. Everyone needs their 'thing'. The quirky aspect that makes them unique from every other pleb. So go forth and sing that line, Spawn. I will not stop you, not ever.

As an aside, procrastination is the devil. (Devil/Spawn: they're related topics!)
I have an assignment to complete by tomorrow. It isn't a particularly difficult essay, it just requires far more referencing than I like, which requires far more reading than I would prefer for such a topic. It is an interesting topic though. I am enjoying learning more about what I originally considered the 'hippie decades'. So much more complex than that.

I am articulating into my degree of choice next year. That's exciting! I cannot believe I finally made up my mind about teaching. I love how I went into this degree thinking, 'if nothing else, I will learn some fun facts to teach Spawn!' SO much more. Now I have a new career path to pursue, again. And I am passionate about it. I want to make a difference. The world is so complacent nowadays, and I don't want another generation of brats to roam these lands.
So primary teaching. I hope I can remember all the stuff I need to remember. FOUR YEARS. That's how much learning I need to do to become a teacher. At least the degree is becoming more complex now. Less questionable teachers out there to influence my child.

Finished classes for the year. Just need to finish this essay, complete two online quizzes, then study for two exams (only one of which being a hurdle exam). Easy peasy! ... Who am I kidding?! My brain is fried.

Peace out.

- L. x

P.S. Only 87 days until Christmas! And only 45 days or so until this family puts the tree up!! WOOO!!!!! 

Our old tree. We've since gone fairly 'traditional' with a side of crazy.