Be yourself, and no-one else.

"Be yourself, and no-one else!"
How cute is that? Spawn is obsessed with Anh Do's 'WeirDo' series, and one of the books has that line as a sing-song phrase. Subsequently, Spawn is now singing it, a lot. Not that I mind. It's such a powerful statement that more children need to absorb. So many children try so hard to conform to the interests of those they look up to. The result of this leads to children losing their individuality, their personality, their 'thing'. Everyone needs their 'thing'. The quirky aspect that makes them unique from every other pleb. So go forth and sing that line, Spawn. I will not stop you, not ever.

As an aside, procrastination is the devil. (Devil/Spawn: they're related topics!)
I have an assignment to complete by tomorrow. It isn't a particularly difficult essay, it just requires far more referencing than I like, which requires far more reading than I would prefer for such a topic. It is an interesting topic though. I am enjoying learning more about what I originally considered the 'hippie decades'. So much more complex than that.

I am articulating into my degree of choice next year. That's exciting! I cannot believe I finally made up my mind about teaching. I love how I went into this degree thinking, 'if nothing else, I will learn some fun facts to teach Spawn!' SO much more. Now I have a new career path to pursue, again. And I am passionate about it. I want to make a difference. The world is so complacent nowadays, and I don't want another generation of brats to roam these lands.
So primary teaching. I hope I can remember all the stuff I need to remember. FOUR YEARS. That's how much learning I need to do to become a teacher. At least the degree is becoming more complex now. Less questionable teachers out there to influence my child.

Finished classes for the year. Just need to finish this essay, complete two online quizzes, then study for two exams (only one of which being a hurdle exam). Easy peasy! ... Who am I kidding?! My brain is fried.

Peace out.

- L. x

P.S. Only 87 days until Christmas! And only 45 days or so until this family puts the tree up!! WOOO!!!!! 

Our old tree. We've since gone fairly 'traditional' with a side of crazy.

Croissant Bread Pudding

So this is a not-so-secret secret recipe for something I make every Christmas, for my second Christmas day with my closest friends. (Love you!) 

People have begged for this recipe since I first made it four years ago, but I refuse to share. I love that it is gobbled up and highly anticipated each year. However, some other people have now heard about it, so I thought I'd share the recipe. But do not let aforementioned friends get wind of this! Bless their anti-social media hearts. 

INGREDIENTS:
3 large eggs
8 egg yolks (I usually make egg white omelettes for the healthier folk at the same time....for obvious reasons!)

5 cups half & half** (or see below for directions on how to make, using the following two ingredients:)
     - 3 1/3 cups skim milk
     - 1 2/3 cups thickened cream
1-1.5 cups sugar (less for raw, more for white)
1 1/2 tspn vanilla bean extract
6 croissants (if you have a local bakery that has leftover croissants at the end of the day, grab those, otherwise I get them from the supermarket)
1 cup sultanas

METHOD:
Preheat oven to 180℃.

In a bowl, whisk together eggs, egg yolks, half & half, sugar and vanilla. Set aside.

Slice croissants in half, horizontally. Using a 20x30x5cm (approx) baking dish, distribute the bottoms of the croissants, then add sultanas, followed by the tops of the croissants. Ensure sultanas are inbetween halves of croissants, otherwise they dry out during baking. Pour custard mixture over croissants, then set aside to soak for 20 minutes, pressing down gently.

Place the dish into a larger one filled with an inch of hot water. Cover with foil, tenting it to ensure the foil does not touch the pudding. Pierce a couple of holes to allow steam to escape and then bake for 45 minutes. Remove foil, then bake for a further 40-45 minutes, or until it all puffs up and the pudding is set. 

Best served warm.

**METHOD FOR HALF & HALF:

Combine low-fat milk and thickened cream in a jug, then lightly whisk to combine. Set aside until settled, then use as necessary.

Enjoy! :) 

- L. x

Rape is a Dirty Word.

Heads up: this is deep. If the post heading doesn't clue you in, *TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE, SAD STUFF ahead*

When I was ...younger, I was sexually abused. On more than one occasion, by more than one person. The first 'incident' happened when I was quite young, naive and well, scared shitless, if I'm being totally honest. I don't remember the specifics, but I remember waking up and noticing 'things'. I never told anyone because I was scared. This person terrified me, and deep down I hoped my parents would question the changes, even if I didn't realise this at the time.
They never did. Question me, that is. As I withdrew from my family, it was blamed on adolescence, the friends I had, or just my attitude in general. I eventually started associating with different people: older people. People who gave off safe vibes, I guess. Never too much older, for those people made me uncomfortable. Just, older. Big brother types. People who wouldn't question my moods, behaviour, or my need to be protected. Eventually, this group of people became some of my closest friends, but never around my family. I kept them apart for fear of them being tainted by the nightmares in my home life. To this day, my family has never met most of these people. They are my safe bubble. My second life, where I can be myself. I find this ironic, considering they know more about what happened than my family does, but that's what happens when your family doesn't really care. I don't have one of those super lovey tv families. Not even remotely. To provide a little context, I have been hit in the face by both parents, and at one stage, my brother aggravated me so extensively that I held a knife to his throat. And I don't regret it. I think that was the moment he realised I didn't care for his bullsh*t games.

Anyway, I digress. A common theme amongst my posts!
I had never told my parents about any of the incidents from my past. I was too scared of the ramifications. Afraid to be held responsible for a family falling apart. Afraid to be called a liar. An attention seeker. A slut. So I kept it to myself for years. It wasn't almost ten years later that I told one of my best friends. She had been diagnosed with brain cancer and finally questioned why I had a fake boyfriend in high school (this is true, I really did make up a boyfriend!!). Of course I told her the truth. I had been waiting for someone to genuinely ask me for years. Mr *insert fake bf's name here* was responsible for my loss of virginity. Back then I didn't know there were other excuses to account for my lack of hymen. Oh God, I wish I knew. Trying to convince some friends a person who didn't exist actually existed was so hard!! I'm such a tragic liar, lol.
So I told her everything. She suspected some things, as she had met the people involved. Then she cried for me. Not full blown crying: she wasn't that kind of girl. But she shed a tear, and that was when I realised that what I had gone through as a child was some serious shit. So I started seeing a psych. Talked about it. Had a great boyfriend. Told him about it. He also suspected, from my behaviour, but patiently waited for me to be ready. He was so amazing. The perfect boyfriend for the broken girl in need of more bandaids than the world could supply. Yet he fixed me, as much as someone as broken as I could be fixed.

The moral of this? After all the drama and emotional problems I have had to overcome these past 20 years, I found out not too long ago that my parents actually knew. Or at least suspected. Yet I was never questioned. Never comforted, or supported, or hugged and reassured that everything will be okay. Never protected from it happening again a couple of years later with someone else. Or again, a few years after that.
And learning this? I don't know how to deal with it. I cannot tell my psych, because I'm so scared I will erupt with such force that I end up admitted to a psych ward. So scared that I will shatter what little family I still associate with, and leave Spawn with nobody but me. I know that he is all I need, but he needs family. He needs more. He deserves more. And so I lie here, as this sh*t once again circulates through my mind, and I ponder what the actual heck I'm going to do about this. And then I wonder if my dad lied about the conversations from the past. Because I don't want to think that my parents could live with me, knowing what happened, and not try to protect me. Not keep me from seeing his face at family events, even to this day. Not apologise for shitty men who make shitty decisions. As a parent, I cannot fathom turning a blind eye to something so horrid. I would do all kinds of unspeakable things to anyone who even thought about hurting my son.
And so goes the bitter circle.

I'm sorry for being so deep. I know some of you don't know this stuff from my past, and it has taken ten years of therapy to get me here. But here I am. Typing to a screen with tears streaming down my face, and a teddy squished next to me.

Night, crazies.

- L. x

Job well done.

I have been busy. So busy. Still am, if I'm being honest. But I thought I would take some time to update those who care about the life of L.

So I have just started second semester of uni. A fire has been lit under my toosh, and I am more determined than ever to do well! I got my results for last semester and did so much better than I thought I would! Like, I wanted to get high distinctions, and I worked hard for those marks. However, that alone does not always equate to great marks: especially in the academic world. YET I SUCCEEDED! I got HDs in all bar one unit - however I did manage to get 78, so got super close. I'll take that as a win.

This semester I have Australian history. History has never really interested me a whole lot, yet I find myself being more intrigued in this unit after the first lecture this morning. Fancy that! Similar thing happened last semester; I initially dreaded children's literature, yet by the end I was so excited and couldn't wait to enrol in more literature units!! It appears my intellect is also changing as I get older. Exciting! I wonder if I'm still any good at math?!

School holidays flew by this time! Like, damn. I was kind of hoping they would drag a little. We didn't have time to do all the things I wanted to. If I'm being honest, we didn't even get close! We did have lots of fun though, and I finally have a dining table again! It had only been four and a half years. Crikey. Family dinners are amazing. Don't know how I went so long without them! I feel like Spawn was unknowingly deprived. Like when you grow up and discover some amazing product that existed when you were a child, yet you never knew it existed as a child. Depressing. I will make up for it! I always do go over the top to make up for our family's deprivations. Call it guilt, I guess.

Anyway, I have started watching the Blacklist, from the beginning, and I am addicted. Need more Red and Lizzy before bed.

Peace out!

L. x

P.S. Find below a sub-par photo of our new dining table! Thankyou Ikea! You're amazing. ;)

Mexican Chicken Soup [Slow Cooker]

Wow. I have almost posted more today than I have in the past two months combined!

Anyway, earlier in the year I found a bunch of recipes and prepped, then freezed, a bunch of meals. One of those was a Mexican chicken soup. I finally cooked it up about a month ago, and no word of a lie, it was the best thing I have ever had! I was on the cusp of getting sick, in the middle of submitting like, four assignments, that were all due within five days of each other, and just wanted something easy. Ended up with SO MUCH MORE!!!

Ever since, I have been trawling the internet, trying to find the recipe... Well, today, I did it. I stumbled across an old bookmark that I had copy/pasted into a document after prepping all those meals, but then forgot about. It is quite the occasion!!!! I'm going to make it again, because it's amazing. But I'm also going to put it here so I can easily share it with everyone I know, and also so I never lose the recipe again. ;)

The recipe can be found here.

Enjoy!

- L. x

Single parent, uni student, special needs child... I'm tired of labels.

I have noticed something these past couple of months. Older people seem to thoroughly enjoy labeling every aspect of their lives. Especially older people at university.
Being a mature student, I tended to gravitate toward a couple of older students, which is to be expected. I probably would have dropped out of uni if I'd been surrounded entirely by kids fresh out of high school. They can be a little .......distracting.
One thing I was not expecting, was to be more irritated by older students than younger students! I know mature students tend to get a bit of a reputation from the younger kids, but I thought it was just kids being, well, kids. I didn't put a lot of credibility into it. Until I started university, this time around. Sure, older students tend to be more open to expressing themselves during tutorials, etc., but that is something that comes with age, and isn't necessarily a bad thing. Well, I don't think it is. I was prone to voicing my thoughts during many tutorials, although I did often wait to see if anyone else was going to say something before I opened my mouth. I even encouraged younger students, on more than one occasion! However, what I found, that may tie in with this observation, along with the 'reputation' of mature age students, is that older people go on tangents! They take things off topic, and then go on and on AND ON about it, thus wasting perfectly good tutorial time!! This time is precious, and I seriously do not appreciate it being wasted by pretentious older people who think they are better than everyone else!

The thing that made this worse was that I apparently don't look even remotely close to my age. As such, I had more than one older student talk down to me, like I was a piece of unwanted gum on the bottom of her shoe. EXCUSE ME, LADY. Why are you better than me, or any other student at this university? We all went through the same application process, have to endure the same grueling readings and assignments, and all qualify with the same degree - if you happen to be studying the same course, anyway. Like seriously, you're too old to be this immature. Stop it now, before you further ruin the reputation of mature age students worldwide.
And to the younger university students: I apologise. I swear, we are not all that bad! Some of us are helpful, friendly, and maybe even awesome individuals. We just have the added advantage of living away from home, having a fridge full of food, and most of us have money in the bank. That doesn't mean you can monopolise us, but it also doesn't mean we cannot be friends with each other. Who knows? We may come in handy one day. ;)

Okay, that will do. This is so much longer, and rantier, than I expected it to be, and I digressed more than a little! :P

Peace out.

- L. x

Lamb Casserole

So in winter, I love lamb. I also love my slow cooker. And casseroles. Hearty casseroles, full of root vegetables and tasty meat. YUM.

Who am I kidding?? I love most of those things year round!

Anyway, I finally put together a lamb slow cooker dish that didn't leave an icky taste in my mouth! It is a culmination of several recipes, with the best bits from each pulled out and stuck to something new. It's fantastic. Much like myself. :)

Without further adieu, I give you this recipe! Ta-daaaaaaa!
(Gee, I'm so intelligent. Look how many big words I can use now. LOL.)

INGREDIENTS:
1kg (approx) lamb, diced. I used forequarter chops, because they're cheap, and cheap is best in slow cooked meals. But whatever. I'm not your boss.
2 brown onions, diced
3-4 cloves garlic (it's winter, and garlic is great for the immune system!)
4 large potatoes, or 7-8 baby potatoes, diced
1 gold sweet potato, diced (aim for 2cm cubes with the potatoes)
3/4 cup green lentils, rinsed and drained
1 cup salt-reduced chicken stock
1 cup red wine (I use cab sav, but mostly because I like it on its own)
2 tbspn tomato paste
1 tspn rosemary
1 tspn oregano
2 bay leaves
Salt & pepper, to taste

METHOD:
Spray inner bowl of slow cooker with oil. In a frying pan over medium heat, soften onion and garlic with a little olive oil, then throw in oregano and rosemary until fragrant. Place in slow cooker, then throw in lamb until lightly browned, and place that in the slow cooker, along with remaining ingredients. Stir to combine, then cook on high for one hour, before turning to low for six hours (approximately - can go over if needed).
If you are a scentsy fanatic like myself, turn it off for the day and allow yourself to be surrounded by the glorious aromas coming from your slow cooker!
Serve with fresh, buttered bread, steamed greens and leftover wine, or however you prefer. ;)

Enjoy!

- L. x