Kahlua Chocolate Ripple Cake

So, three things are true.
1. I am Australian.
2. I love chocolate ripple cake.
3. I had never made chocolate ripple cake until I made this.

I feel like it's my birthright to have already made this in my 30 years of living, but I guess I'm a backwards kind of Aussie. Blame the British blood in my veins.

It was my birthday two weeks ago, but I was in super denial, so refused to celebrate it. As such, I had no cake! A couple of days later, I realised I really wanted something sweet and had seen this floating on Facebook, so decided it would be my belated birthday cake!
The hardest part was remembering to go down the biscuit aisle at the supermarket; something I almost never do... 

Obviously, I had kahlua. Anyone would think I'm an alcoholic if they saw my stash of alcohol. If only they knew how long I'd had some of the bottles, haha.

So here we go! Like I've said before, I don't measure stuff. With alcohol however, I'm a really good estimator, courtesy of the years I spent working with it! You could add less kahlua, mix it for a second and taste to see if it's right for you. I'm weak and didn't want it too strong, but did really notice the presence of kahlua as I was licking the beater at the end....

INGREDIENTS:
100ml Kahlua (approx)
250ml thickened cream
1 packet chocolate ripple biscuits (or any solid chocolate biscuit/cookie)

METHOD:
Pour the cream and kahlua into a mixing bowl and beat until whipped; a couple of minutes or so. You want that slightly stiff look, but you don't want it starting to resemble meringue. Do not over whip, as it eventually goes all weird and gross, which would be a bad thing considering the cake needs to sit for a few hours to become flavoursome and amazing.
If doing the traditional log shape, find a suitable size serving plate and spread a small amount of cream where the biscuits will go.
Grab a biscuit, dollop about a tablespoon of cream on one side, then place another biscuit on top and squeeze slightly to spread the cream relatively evenly.
Repeat the process until you have enough to put them on the plate and have them supporting each other and repeat until you have run out of biscuits.
With the remaining cream, evenly cover the outside of the biscuits, then cover and refrigerate.
I had a small amount of cream remaining which could be used to put a second layer of cream on the outside to have it looking fresh for presenting. The cream does discolour slightly courtesy of the kahlua.

To serve, slice into it like you would any log cake!

Enjoy.

- L. x

P.S. As an aside, you could substitute the kahlua for another. I plan on using cointreau next time. Yummy. :)

Cauliflower Cheese

Oh, my gosh.
So cauliflower is super cheap at the moment and Spawn loves the stuff, so I bought one with the intention of giving him cauliflower cheese for days as it's not my favourite thing. (As a side with other meals, mostly)
Then I started getting everything ready and realised I didn't have enough butter for the roux. Oh no, what can I do?!!! It's too late for a backup plan and Spawn had his heart set on cauliflower cheese. Then I remembered I had garlic butter in the fridge, so substituted that to make up the required butter..... AND I INADVERTENTLY MADE THE BEST CHEESE SAUCE OF MY LIFE!

Also, I felt it necessary to share that Spawn just declared this, in a rather loud voice, "the best meal ever!" I love how easy to please he can be at times.

INGREDIENTS:
1 cauliflower, florets chopped into manageable pieces
35g plain butter
15g garlic butter
45g plain flour
300ml milk
Pinch nutmeg
1 tspn dijon mustard
Salt & pepper, to season
150g (approx) grated cheese - I used pizza blend as it's all I had and it worked well! You could use whatever tickles your fancy.

METHOD:
Preheat oven to 220.
Cook cauliflower in salted boiling water for 10-15 minutes, until just tender. Strain in colander and put into a greased baking dish.
Put flour and butter into the saucepan over medium heat and whisk until butter has melted and the mixture is starting to bubble. Add the milk, nutmeg, mustard, salt & pepper and whisk to combine, then add 100g (approx; I added a giant handful as I suck at measuring things!) grated cheese and whisk to combine. Cook for one minute then pour the sauce over the cauliflower and sprinkle with grated cheese.
Place into the oven for 15 minutes, or until cheese is golden and bubbly.

You could serve this as a meal on its own, or as a side with, well anything really.

Enjoy!

- L. x

I Quit.

So who do I tender my resignation to?

Worst week of my life.
Started with my birthday on Monday. Didn't get a single phone call, present, or even a card. The only people who sang 'happy birthday' to me were the mums at Spawn's school, even though I told them to stop as so many people had screamed it at me already.

Yeah, I lied.
But who wouldn't when, on your 30th birthday, not even your PARENTS call to wish you happy birthday or console you on officially becoming old. Sure, they sent me generic "happy 30th birthday" texts, but they'd probably do the same for their neighbour they never speak to. I'm their firstborn. Their only daughter. WHAT. THE FUCK?!

So, that was the start of the shit. I ended up getting cards from my dad on Tuesday, along with a gift card. Yes, multiple cards from my dad, because he couldn't decide between humorous and sappy, apparently. And the local MP sent me best wishes as well. Also arrived on Tuesday. So Tuesday was okay. Until I picked Spawn up from school.
I don't know what it is with him lately, but he's killing my soul. Every day he breaks something or intentionally defies me in a serious way.

Hence my wanting to resign. I don't want to be a parent anymore. How can you successfully raise a child you go through periods of loathing? Yes, I occasionally loathe my own child. Does that make me a bad person?

I cannot stand that he is obnoxiously loud when he awakes around 5am. I cannot stand how asking him to be quiet results in him getting louder. I cannot stand the way he needs to destroy all my things. I loathe the way he shuts me down when I'm trying to parent him. I loathe that I have to threaten violence in order to get him to JUST. FUCKING. STOP. BREAKING. MY. HEART.
I fucking hate it. So much.

I hate that he makes me cry and question my ability to parent. I hate that my family is so unsupportive. I hate that the day before my birthday - a day I believe to be cursed, by the way - my dad calls me and tells me about his prostate tests coming back bad and therefore he's scared he has prostate cancer (he's since been cleared). I hate that in that same phone call, he tells me that he won't buy a house in the vicinity of where I live because he thinks I'll drop Spawn off on him all the time. HELLO?! Have I ever even asked you to ever babysit him?! I don't even trust my father to be around Spawn alone as his temper is worse than mine, but at least I have the advantage of understanding Spawn's quirks. THAT FUCKING PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH. Like, you can't even imagine. When the fuck did I ever give the impression that I dump my kid on people so I can go out and do my own thing all the time?? I have never done this! The only reason Spawn had had regular sleepovers at nanny's was because I needed a night to peacefully catch up on uni homework. FOR ONE SEMESTER.

Fuck you, Dad. That comment, along with your further insistence that I am that kind of parent when I tried to convince you otherwise......well, that cut me so deep. Good luck spending any time at all with Spawn when you move down here.
Particularly if the Sepo is coming back to Australia. Pfft. Like I want a sneaky bitch like her around my son on a regular basis?!! This woman claims to be such an angel, yet she would sneakily eat take away (she was supposed to be on a diet) when she thought nobody was looking. Then she racked up tens of thousands in gambling debt?!!!! Get fucked. No way.

Also, I apologise for my foul language. It helps me to express myself when I am particularly enraged. Haha.

So it's Thursday, right? What else has happened?
A whole container of cereal was thrown around the living room yesterday morning. That was fun. Made Spawn clean that up himself.
Countless toys have been thrown out.
My tablet has been broken and subsequently awaits its demise into the trash.
A plastic chair was broken last night.
Spawn has taken things that do not belong to him on the assumption that mummy doesn't share and needs to share her things.
One of my relaxing colouring books was destroyed as a result.
A dvd was broken. Yeah, he broke the actual disc. WHAT?!
My sanity has left the building. I no longer care. At all.
Spawn has spent yesterday and today home sick from school. On the last week before school holidays. The holidays I planned on making super fun. Instead, I'm going to go to bunnings and buy a lock for Spawn's bedroom so he can't destroy the house while I sleep. Because he IS Spawn; son of the fucking devil.

That'll do. No peace out today, there is no peace.

- L. x

As an aside, how awesome are the new snapchat features?! :)

Life is Curious.

Do you ever have one of those days where you wish you weren't a parent?

For me, entering parenthood was an unexpected surprise. It wasn't something I saw happening without intervention from a third party. As such, I always thought that if I did become a mum, it would be when I was ready for it; when I had a house of my own, a stable career, supportive partner, all those things conducive to having the stereotypical "happy family."
However, life works in mysterious ways and I entered parenthood 10 years earlier than my perfect life plan predicted, with none of the aforementioned things.

So here I am. Sulking. 5ish days until my 30th birthday, and I find myself constantly wondering what life would have been like if I weren't a mother. Would I have savings? A house? Thousands of memories revolving around my European travels, and then other places my dreams urge me to explore? Would I have a settled career? And in what field? Would I still have pursued law if I didn't grow up and become a mum? Or would I have pursued aviation? Hotel management? Tourism?

All of these "what if's" are doing my head in!!!! I love being a mum. It's super rewarding. But I no longer know who I am besides "Spawn's Mum". Do I still want to live and work in Europe? Am I still an adrenaline junkie? Do I like to go out dancing? Am I still a perpetually happy lass?

I don't even know. I know I'm really good at remembering appointments. Really good at cooking repetitive meals. Fantastic at yelling, and PHENOMENAL with craving alcohol. Great at being antisocial, albeit unwillingly.
I can budget, deliver wicked seemingly win/win ultimatums and teach basic math, science and English. I can understand complex medical assessments. I know that a mistakenly 'hypo' child would be a dreamlike state of bliss for any parent, whilst 'hyper' would make any parent pine for wine.

Yet I don't know who I am.
I don't own a house. Nor will I in the near future.
I don't have a job, let alone a career. (Although I do have a possible career path should Spawn become less demanding to the point where I can return to work.) If I do return to work, I will be a 30 something single parent to a high needs child, with extensive experience in hospitality, but not much else.
Sometimes I can't remember how to smile or make basic conversation.
I sometimes think about my life and burst into tears. What have I done?! Why am I in this pit of depression with no way out?

What the fuck did I do to deserve this life?! Gosh. I must have put SO MUCH karma into the world.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
I had a meeting with Spawn's teachers yesterday. It was a great meeting where great basic goals were set. However, one goal made me laugh - it relates to Spawn's need to defy his elders and have his way or no way. This goal will take years to achieve, no doubt. But this one sentence stuck in my mind.... "You won't see the light at the end of the tunnel for awhile....." She went on to say that it will eventually happen, but this is my life! I feel like I'm in this huge tunnel and have come so far that I can't see light when I look back at the way I came, yet I'm not even close enough to the end to get a slight glimpse of light at that end either.

Perpetual darkness.

This is me.

Forever.

It gets better, right?
Easier?
Manageable?
Happier?

I need red wine and chocolate.
Which reminds me; I need to go buy myself a birthday present. Don't think anyone else will get me anything.
PITY PARTY FOR ONE, PLEASE!

Peace out, and thanks for reading. I know I can be super depressing at times, so if you made it this far, you're effing amazing. *hugs*

- L. x