School funding is a double-edged sword.

In Spawn's first year of school, we applied for funding, due to his 'severe behaviour'. I know that in different states and countries, the process is different, but I'm sure there is one consistent aspect across the board: it's hard. Emotionally, having to constantly discuss and read about how terribly behaved your child can be, among other flaws, is heartbreaking. It has been two years since I discovered Spawn's application for funding was granted, after six months of hell.

The process for funding took twice as long as Spawn's ASD diagnosis, which was conducted immediately prior to the funding application began. I commend the school for being on the ball and getting things rolling as soon as they could, but as a parent, this double whammy broke me in ways that I don't think I will ever recover from. I ended 2015 with symptoms much like those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Legit. I was treated as if I had PTSD, and there was only one small aspect of my sanity that gave my psych pause to officially diagnose. Two years on, I am doing better, but the scars are still there. They will always be there. 2015 can kiss my arse, even now, in 2018.

Now that a little back story has been established, let me get to the heart of this rant/word vomit/expelling of bad juju. I am grateful for the school working tirelessly to get Spawn funding. I am grateful to the department of education for seeing Spawn's need for funding and actually approving the application: this is not something the DoE does lightly, after all. For this reason, I know that many families miss out on this funding, which impacts on the education of so many students. It's hard. There are so many cracks. For example, Spawn has ASD, but we did not apply on the grounds of his ASD diagnosis, for we would have been rejected. The criterion are so stringent, it's actually ridiculous! We applied under severe behaviour, as Spawn's behaviour was so severe during that first year of school that he only attended school for a couple of full days a week, with the remaining being half days. He had drawn blood from his teacher, caused his class to be evacuated, and literally been dragged from school over the shoulder of the vice-principal. OMG, I'm getting a little emotional just THINKING about that year. Even now, whenever the school calls me, my first thought is, "oh no, what has he done now?!" Fortunately, the school is quick to let me know if it isn't bad news, having known how bad things once were. I was on a first name basis with the school admin a lot quicker than most.

Due to the hard work, absolute terror and horrific reports I had to read, I get a little funny about Spawn's school funding. As a pre-service teacher, I understand how having a student with funding in the class can benefit many, but as a parent, I don't want my child to miss out because of others. Having other unfunded students piggybacking off of Spawn's funding is all well and good, but where do you draw the line?! At what point do you, as a parent, step in and be like, "ENOUGH. How many complex students do you want to piggyback off of my child's funding?! Don't you think this might be detrimental to MY son's education?!" As I have mentioned, I worked hard for that. I endured things no parent/carer should have to endure, all in the hopes it would provide my child with better opportunities moving forward. It has, by the way. Education support staff are amazing. Spawn had this one lady supporting him for nearly two years and she was amazing. She saw him that first year, and was with him as he changed for the better. Spawn has come so far that it's mindblowing, but does that mean that the support worker working with him this year will be asked to spend more time with other students? Sure these students need help, otherwise they wouldn't be getting it. But will this have a negative impact on Spawn? His behaviour last year went downhill and part of me wonders if that is because so many students with additional needs were lugged into his class in order to piggyback off of Spawn's funding. Just because Spawn has learned to mimic more appropriate classroom behaviours, does not mean he does not need the funding. For Spawn, working to behave appropriately is a task that requires constant focus, as his brain is always working so fast, the result of both his ADHD and giftedness. I feel that if Spawn is neglected, for even a little while, it will take twice as long to rebuild those appropriate mindsets for the classroom. Perhaps Spawn will think it normal that he adapt for awhile, then lapse back into his old way of behaving as soon as the teacher isn't looking (so to speak). This actually terrifies me, on a level I am not sure I'm ready to comprehend. I considered changing schools last year; seriously considered it. I thought it might be better to send Spawn to a school more understanding of funding and special needs children. However, Spawn loves his school, so we are giving it this year to see how things go. I have spoken to a few schools and know our options, but hopefully I don't need to go down this path. For the most part, I do like our school's community. It's a great little school most of the time. :)

So this is the vicious cycle of school funding. The department of education really needs to get their act together and figure out a way to adequately fund all students who need assistance. In doing so, students who DO get funding will not be forced to miss out due to teachers and schools trying to service the needs of many with funding meant to service one.
Do not even get me started on the fact that parents have no say in how a school spends funding they receive for students. I don't know if this isn't a common thing, but where I live, it's how it works and I think it sucks; as both a parent AND a pre-service teacher.

On the topic of pre-service teaching, I'm doing my next placement in February; two weeks after school starts back. At a school with only 100 students. This will be interesting! ;)

If you got this far, thanks for reading. Feel free to share advice and tips for dealing with this: I welcome all advice! :)

- L. x

Making friends, and stuff.

When your child doesn't function in society like the average child, as a parent, you become wary of other parents. You don't want to get too close to these parents with their perfect children, lest they tell a story that shatters your spirit. You see, while Spawn may look like a 'normal' child, he is far from it. When he converses with you, it is clear that his speech is about as understandable as a 5 year old's. Whilst his letter formation is great, his actual writing is often barely legible. When he goes to group sports, he doesn't understand 'normal' social behaviour. He doesn't understand the concept of personal space, of boundaries, of reading a person to see if they want to play what you're playing. He just assumes everyone loves what he loves. If he finds something funny, everyone finds it funny. And it is utterly heartbreaking to watch.

Fortunately, he goes to a school full of (for the most part) lovely children. So he has friends. Kids who find him funny. Kids who love his stories. Kids who know how to turn him down without breaking his spirit. In saying that, any form of rejection can break his spirit. Sometimes, he will come to me after school and burst into tears. He remembered something that happened with a friend. Someone who thought what he wanted to do was stupid. Or maybe it was a child he doesn't like calling him stupid, for God knows why. Maybe it's because his speech isn't perfect. Maybe it's because his writing sucks. Maybe it's because his jokes are such 'dad jokes', that kids just don't want to tolerate them. Rude kids. Kids with no manners. Selfish kids who think themselves superior to everyone else.

Well, guess what, Spawn? You're going to be the greatest human in the world one day. Why? Because you have a heart. You show compassion and understanding, and you're not afraid to be yourself. So please, keep on being you. Because a world without your eye-rolling jokes isn't a world I want to be in. <3 Mummy. x

So today, I made a friend. A friend who understands the bullshit I go through. This parent gets the 'red monster' moments. The heartbreaking moments. The moments that fill you with so much pride, you think you might just burst. The moments that a 'normal' parent wouldn't understand, because what just happened wasn't a milestone at all for someone who hasn't struggled their whole life. I love understanding mum friends. I really need to put myself out there so I can make more of them. They make me feel like I'm not completely failing as a parent. Which is exactly how so many other parents make me feel, with their demeaning attitude.

That's my news for today. I'm enjoying the cruisy lifestyle at the moment, knowing that in 3.5 weeks, another year of hell commences. And this semester is INTENSE. Science units are so demanding!! 4-5 classes (totalling 4-7 hours!) a week just for one little chemistry unit! Ughhhh. I need to do more reading. And hope I got my preferences for my timetable. Come on, Deakin! Don't fail me now!

Peace out.

- L. x

Hello, 2016.

Wow. Finally, 2015 bit the dust. Cannot say I'm sad to see it go! Quite the contrary, really.

Let's recap.
The start of 2015 saw me a recent RMIT graduate, pumped to get a job at a corporate law firm where I could work my arse off and fulfil my career goals. It also saw me anxious to become mum to a school boy! (Although, I was more excited than anxious by this!) Things were shaping up to be great.
Then came the dramatic downward spiral of 2015. Once Spawn started school, it did not take long for his teacher to notice his behaviour was a little more erratic than your typical 5 year old. So she gently approached me and suggested I see a pediatrician and see if there could be an underlying issue causing his behaviour. Unbeknownst to me, this issue had also come up the year before whilst Spawn was in kinder, however the issue was never mentioned to me. 2015 could have been so much easier if Spawn's kinder teacher had told me about his behaviour!!!

Anyway, I'm digressing...like usual!
So we got the necessary referrals and saw a behavioural specialist, which led to the events I blogged about last year, and subsequent diagnoses shopping list.
The diagnoses led to more testing through the department of education, as we needed a LOT of documentation to support the specialists reports in order to apply for school funding. Such a long process, by the way! We started in July, and all the documentation was finalised and sent off in early December! Kind of gives you an idea of how intense it is to try and get funding!
While all this was going on, I obviously had a lot to accept, learn and embrace. I had to realise my life would never be as easy as I imagined it would be. I would never work my arse off in a top tier corporate law firm. I would never be the shark I knew I could be. I would be me; mum to an amazing little boy with autism. As I had a lot of support from various parent groups on Facebook, I was able to embrace Spawn's diagnoses a little easier than many would, but it still cut me deep. Naturally, to learn your child is different and is in for a hard road, breaks your heart. I have cried, many times. I have stuck my head in the sand more times than I will ever admit, and I have come out the other side a better person because of it.
It is for this reason that I know 2016 will be a better year! Spawn has an amazing team of specialists on his side, helping him in every was possible, whilst helping me better understand him at the same time. I have become more accepting, tolerable and patient because of 2015, and for that, I will also be fond of last year, but I will not miss it.

I look forward to helping Spawn on his path to success, and working with his new teacher to ensure his mind is adequately stimulated in the areas he excels in. I look forward to many years of trying to fully understand the complexities of raising a 2e child in a way that sees him able to live a happy, successful life.

I also look forward to the laughter, adventures and memories 2016 will bring, both with family and my amazing friends.

Much love.

- L. x

Life is Curious.

Do you ever have one of those days where you wish you weren't a parent?

For me, entering parenthood was an unexpected surprise. It wasn't something I saw happening without intervention from a third party. As such, I always thought that if I did become a mum, it would be when I was ready for it; when I had a house of my own, a stable career, supportive partner, all those things conducive to having the stereotypical "happy family."
However, life works in mysterious ways and I entered parenthood 10 years earlier than my perfect life plan predicted, with none of the aforementioned things.

So here I am. Sulking. 5ish days until my 30th birthday, and I find myself constantly wondering what life would have been like if I weren't a mother. Would I have savings? A house? Thousands of memories revolving around my European travels, and then other places my dreams urge me to explore? Would I have a settled career? And in what field? Would I still have pursued law if I didn't grow up and become a mum? Or would I have pursued aviation? Hotel management? Tourism?

All of these "what if's" are doing my head in!!!! I love being a mum. It's super rewarding. But I no longer know who I am besides "Spawn's Mum". Do I still want to live and work in Europe? Am I still an adrenaline junkie? Do I like to go out dancing? Am I still a perpetually happy lass?

I don't even know. I know I'm really good at remembering appointments. Really good at cooking repetitive meals. Fantastic at yelling, and PHENOMENAL with craving alcohol. Great at being antisocial, albeit unwillingly.
I can budget, deliver wicked seemingly win/win ultimatums and teach basic math, science and English. I can understand complex medical assessments. I know that a mistakenly 'hypo' child would be a dreamlike state of bliss for any parent, whilst 'hyper' would make any parent pine for wine.

Yet I don't know who I am.
I don't own a house. Nor will I in the near future.
I don't have a job, let alone a career. (Although I do have a possible career path should Spawn become less demanding to the point where I can return to work.) If I do return to work, I will be a 30 something single parent to a high needs child, with extensive experience in hospitality, but not much else.
Sometimes I can't remember how to smile or make basic conversation.
I sometimes think about my life and burst into tears. What have I done?! Why am I in this pit of depression with no way out?

What the fuck did I do to deserve this life?! Gosh. I must have put SO MUCH karma into the world.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
I had a meeting with Spawn's teachers yesterday. It was a great meeting where great basic goals were set. However, one goal made me laugh - it relates to Spawn's need to defy his elders and have his way or no way. This goal will take years to achieve, no doubt. But this one sentence stuck in my mind.... "You won't see the light at the end of the tunnel for awhile....." She went on to say that it will eventually happen, but this is my life! I feel like I'm in this huge tunnel and have come so far that I can't see light when I look back at the way I came, yet I'm not even close enough to the end to get a slight glimpse of light at that end either.

Perpetual darkness.

This is me.

Forever.

It gets better, right?
Easier?
Manageable?
Happier?

I need red wine and chocolate.
Which reminds me; I need to go buy myself a birthday present. Don't think anyone else will get me anything.
PITY PARTY FOR ONE, PLEASE!

Peace out, and thanks for reading. I know I can be super depressing at times, so if you made it this far, you're effing amazing. *hugs*

- L. x

Have You Ever?

Ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened?
Are you going round the twist?

Hahahaha. I didn't mean to go there, but sometimes it just happens when I think 'have you ever'. 90s Aussie kid life, I suppose.

So anyway, I've imposed a Facebook ban on myself. Today is day one so it hasn't really been too difficult, as yet. Feels weird to not see the pretty blue app on my phone's homescreen though. Nor to constantly receive Facebook notifications. I like it!

I'm hoping to reacquaint myself with the real world. Not that I'm not a part of it WITH Facebook; I just find myself checking Facebook on my phone when I could be embracing the sunshine at the park, or talking to mums whilst I wait to pick Spawn up from school. The little things. I miss those. I often wonder what life will be like for Spawn in the future; the way technology is going at the moment makes me wonder if everyone will live dormant in little pods, a la Matrix style. Sad thoughts, sad thoughts indeed.

So I'm going to show Spawn that I don't need my phone permanently attached to my hand. I don't want him growing up wondering if I somehow have the phone attached to my anatomy. I REFUSE TO BE THAT MUM.

Here I am. Hahahah. It's starting to get hard. For those of you who don't know, I have a couple of really awesome support groups on Facebook. Groups that help me maintain sanity when I feel all is lost in this world. Groups that make me realise I'm not alone when I wonder how I'm going to continue raising Spawn for the next 12+ years. Lord help me, that IS a scary thought. Spawn will be 18 in 12 years!!! YIKES!

I haven't lost my sanity yet. Sundays are a chill day here, so Spawn and I have been chilling. I'm just on here looking for recipes for school lunch snacks so we can spend the afternoon in the kitchen. Well, I will. Spawn will come and go as he pleases, in true male fashion. ;)

Peace out.

- L. x

The End is Nigh.

Oh, my gosh.

These holidays have been a blast! However, I am more than ready for Spawn to return to school! His need to defy everything I ask him to do has my hair turning greyer than ever before.... So tragic. I am officially at the stage where I will be dying my hair for the rest of my life. :(

Recap of the holiday activities we have partaken:
- zoo. This was fun, until Spawn decided to meltdown and run around making himself trip - what is with that??? I need to bring this up with the paed at our next appointment. It does my head in to no end!
- craft activities. These have been my saviour, without a doubt! I stocked up on a bunch of Naplan style math workbooks, and bribe Spawn to behave in order to get one. *snickers* Bribery is an amazing tool.
- baking. Didn't do as much of this as I thought we would, but Spawn did enjoy making a strawberry cake, then making a strawberry puree to put on top. Neighbours were very appreciative of our efforts!
- Sovereign Hill. This was our last day out for the holidays (apart from the trip to the shopping centre the following day, which resulted in disaster [details to come!]) and a lot of fun! I hadn't been to Sovereign Hill in a REALLY long time and it was amazing how little it had changed, yet how different it looks from an adult's perspective. Spawn had fun doing the mine tours and panning for gold, and now has a new obsession with all things gold related. Love the obsessive mentality of his mind. He truly is incapable of doing anything by halves! He also met a little girl and his impulsive nature meant he had no problem straight up asking her for her number! (she would have been around 4) This little girl then came up and casually put her arm around him. It was so adorable! I love the innocence of kids. So pure and untainted. :)

During the holidays, I have tried implementing new techniques to prevent angry outbursts from the little devil spawn, however few methods seem to work. I know that you have to give things time to sink in, but when you're trying to calm an aggressive child down and he gets significantly worse - well, this does not call for a fun time. I feel like all we're doing in going in circles, with no sane way out. The calm bottle however, is an AMAZING thing. It actually works, if I get Spawn to play with it before his temper fully kicks in. Loving it immensely!

On the topic of sanity; I officially lost mine yesterday. We went to the shopping centre to buy groceries and a new board game to play over the quiet weekend to come, and Spawn went ballistic, trying to destroy things in the centre!!! Not so much embarrassing, as I find myself being able to ignore most of the stares, but definitely depressing. Am so grateful that my mum was in the area and able to take him for the day - it worries me what could have happened if he had stayed with me. :/
Chocolate swirled brioche and red wine definitely helped me a little though. I found my sanity at the bottom of the bottle - yay. :)

I find myself a little scared at the prospect of Spawn returning to school. I'm getting to the point where I want to drop him off, then turn my phone off and not worry about anything until I pick him up at 3:30. All the phone calls and face-to-face conversations are so taxing! I am so grateful that Spawn's teachers are understanding and try to keep him in line, but him being sent home really doesn't help our situation. He comes home so ANGRY - at me mostly - that I dread it. 100%, no doubt about it. Don't want it to happen!!

Ah well. If I were a believer of God, I would be SO upset at the idea of him believing I am worthy of such a child. Just once, I'd love for something to happen in my life that wasn't so... demanding? Painful? Intense? Hard?
Just give me easy, please? Just ONE thing. I don't ask for much, do i?

Peace out.

- L. x

Why 'NO' sets off defiant children.

But first; we had our appointment with the Dr yesterday, regarding Spawn's behaviour and reports, as per his school's request. Didn't learn a whole lot, mostly due to Spawn being horrifically loud and disruptive, but also as the Dr is referring us to the paediatrition to get an official diagnoses regarding the ASD and to possibly medicate Spawn - scary business.
It has been determined that Spawn has ADHD, which explains a LOT. He also more than likely has HFA and it is my understanding that the two together will make things interesting! Managing the ADHD could result in his ASD traits being further stimulated, which could backfire severely, for obvious reasons. So now I'm scared. Very scared.
I always swore I would never medicate my child when it comes to calming him down (well, before he had obvious behavioural issues, these were my thoughts) and yet, here I am considering it, after being told by a couple of specialists working with Spawn that it may help him a lot. Or it could backfire and make him worse. Awesome!

So anyway, this was posted in a wonderful group I'm in and I felt I had to share (and put it somewhere I can easily find it at a later date).

Why the Word "No" Sets off an Oppositional, Defiant Child
Many parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don’t like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they’re confused about why nothing works. They tell me they feel isolated and lonely because they can’t socialize with other families due to their child’s behavior. Certainly things like sleepovers, days at the beach, parties—all those activities become affected by this kind of child. It’s not surprising that these families have a harder time in general, and often wind up emotionally, spiritually, and functionally bankrupt. The other siblings grow up in an atmosphere of intimidation and frustration. Attempts to just get the oppositionality to stop, however well-intentioned, are often met with frustration and failure. As a parent of a child with ODD, your strategy has to be to learn how to manage the oppositionality in a way that slowly leads to its extinction. In the thirty years I worked with kids with ODD, I found that the following strategies helped improve their behavior and taught them how to cope when someone told them “no.”
As a parent of an oppositional, defiant child, every day brings a new fight as you try to exercise your authority.

Why “No” Triggers an Explosion
Nobody likes the word no, especially children and adolescents. “No” means disappointment, “no” means not getting what you want, and that’s frustrating and disappointing for everyone. Most children learn to deal with this somewhere around the age of two and three, when their personality actually forms. Over time, they develop the ability to balance their inner wants and needs with outside expectations and responsibility. But for kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the message they internalize is, “If I’m not in control, bad things happen. When bad things are happening around me, the only way I can survive is by being in control.” They react to the word “no” with yelling, threats, punching the wall or hurting one of their siblings. And the more chaos and inconsistency they perceive in their lives, the more they feel the need to stay in control.
For many of these kids, oppositionality and defiance become a way of reacting to authority. Every day brings a new fight as you try to exercise your authority. Whereas many children learn to accept that they can’t be in control all the time, children with ODD often experience a sense of panic when they see they’re not getting control. Their parents learn to walk around on tiptoes, and too many of them blame themselves or try to find some person, place or thing to point the finger at instead of focusing on the task at hand, which is, “How can I teach my child how to manage things today?”

Three Ways to De-escalate Oppositional, Defiant Behavior
“No” is a powerful word. All children have to learn how to deal with it, and children with ODD are no different. But there are things parents can do to avoid or escape from explosive behavior, or to redirect their child’s behavior.
I want you to remember those words: “Avoid", "Escape" and “Redirect.” Because we want to try to avoid conflicts with ODD kids, or escape those conflicts as soon as we can, and redirect them toward something positive.

• Avoid the Conflict

One of the ways we avoid conflict is by having a written structure posted some place where everyone can see it, like on your refrigerator, for example. This is really a schedule that would look like the following:
Daily Schedule
Snack and relax: 3:30-4:00 p.m.
Chores and homework: 4:00-to 5:00 p.m..
Free time: 5:00-6:00 p.m.
Dinner: 6:00 p.m.
Free time after dinner: 7:00 to 7:30 p.m.
Homework: 7:30 to 8:00 p.m.
Bedtime: 8:30 p.m.
I think these kids do better if they come home from school or daycamp, have a little snack, do some chores or homework, have brief play time, and then have dinner. After that they can do a few more chores, have some free time, then go to bed. Evenings need to be as subdued as possible. When you have such a schedule and your child says, “I want to play now,” you can say, “You know the schedule, Tommy. Playtime isn’t till after dinner.” Now in this case, although you’re saying no, you’re really re-focusing that child on the schedule. Understanding the schedule and internalizing the structure are important coping skills that kids with ODD need to develop. So you’re accomplishing two things here: You’re avoiding a direct fight with “no,” and you’re focusing on structure and scheduling, which are coping skills these kids need to learn.
And as a parent, remember that the idea is to not to think about yourself as giving in, but rather, you’re avoiding situations where there's a higher risk of your child acting out. So if you find yourself having to avoid too many situations when you’re at the mall because of the fear of outbursts, my recommendation is that you avoid going to the mall with that child until he’s at the skill level where he can handle it.
 

• Escape from Fights

The other strategy we want to look at is “Escape.” Once the fight with your child is starting or has begun escalating, you need to find a way to get out of it. First of all, you can state your position, turn around and walk away and not respond to the child’s backtalk. So, for example, you can say, “It’s not time for you to play video games now. It’s time for you to clean your room,” and then turn around and remove yourself from the argument. There are cases where you will find that a kid with ODD is backtalking to parents as they're on their way to do the chore you asked them to do in the first place. Sometimes it seems that their mouth and body are moving in two different directions! Don’t let yourself be pulled into the backtalk, either. Just simply go about your business and do something else.
Redirect your child’s behavior
The third important step in the plan to de-escalate the oppositional behavior is to “Redirect” the child. Redirecting is a strategy you can use when the child’s behavior starts to escalate. You can say, “Remember, you want to watch that show at 6:30, so stay focused,” and then turn around and walk away. This redirects their attention to something else and teaches them to focus on something other than the argument. Redirecting is also helpful in situations where there have been conflicts in the past, and where you know an explosion is likely. You can distract your child by getting him to do something differently early in the escalation period. So when you see that he is starting to get agitated, that’s the time to send him to do some alternate task that can be helpful for the family. For instance, “Please go get the lettuce out of the refrigerator and wash it for the salad. That would be a big help.”

•   Stop Throwing Fuel on the Fire

I think it’s important for parents to understand that once a kid with ODD starts arguing about being told “no,” he gets very invested in the process of arguing as much as the outcome. So in effect, the argument fuels itself. The first thing parents have to do is stop throwing fuel on the fire: Don’t argue or talk back to the child. State the rule, state the expectation or the task at hand, and walk away. When times are calm, sit down with your child and have a discussion and say, briefly and concisely, “I don't think arguing helps us solve our problems. So I’m not going to argue with you anymore. And the time you spend talking back and arguing with me when I’m not responding will be taken off your computer time tonight. 2 minutes for every 1 minute you argue.” Don’t overly explain or justify by giving examples. Tell him the rule, but don’t sit there and get into an argument about it. Get up and move on to something else. Expect him to argue right then and there. But understand that the best way you can deal with children with this particular disorder is to lay out a structure and stick with it.
I think it’s important for parents to remember that many of these kids do develop coping skills, it’s just that, as the poet Theodore Roethke said, “a slow growth is a hard thing to endure.” Time helps with these guys. Age helps. And they can learn problem-solving and negotiation skills, it just takes a little longer, and will take more patience on your part. Stick to a plan that on one end is flexible enough to deal with their impulses, but on the other is firm enough to hold them strictly accountable, and I believe you will see real change.

Peace out.

- L. x

Translations:
ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder
ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
HFA - High-Functioning Autism (or Aspergers, as it was known until 2013)

Mummy asked for help....

On October 16 2009, little Tyler came into the world, far earlier than Mum expected. Weighing in at 4lb4.5oz, the little 33-weeker changed his Mum’s life forever, in the best way possible.

Apart from being premature, Tyler also suffered reflux, and then dairy intolerance. Early on, he wasn’t fond of being cuddled for too long, and co-sleeping was never an option. It soon became apparent that little Tyler had quite the temper. He very much disliked things not going his way, and wasn’t afraid to voice his thoughts – through screaming.

At two, Tyler still wasn’t talking. He made the occasional grunt, but there was no attempt at words. In the back of her mind, Mummy was worried, naturally, but those worries were often shooed away as he was thriving in all other aspects of his life.

At three, the meltdowns began. He had started using words, however was hard to understand, which led to his frustration. I’m sure he was wondering why nobody knew what he was saying!!! Especially given how loud he shouted his demands. It was around then that Mummy started wondering if something was wrong with Tyler. He just didn’t seem ..right. In her eyes, he was perfect, as every child is, but his behaviour toward others was unlike those around him.

At four, he was in kindergarden, where he frequently got in trouble for not listening and using inappropriate behaviour. Outings with friends and family became scarce as his behaviour significantly worsened outside the home – quite a feat given how bad he was becoming at home! Mummy was studying to try and maintain her sanity, and regrettably buried her head in the sand. Surely it’s just a phase? Don’t all kids turn into brats in the toddler stage of their lives??! Tyler also began intensive speech therapy, and his speech greatly improved to the point where Mummy could now understand a lot of what he was saying! Other kids however, still looked at him funny if he got too excited and became unintelligible.

And now, at five, Tyler is in school. Right from the start, Mummy had quite the experience, having meetings with Tyler’s teachers seemingly every other day, to discuss Tyler’s behaviour toward others. Not only was he defiant, he also became aggressive. He shut down whenever confronted about his behaviour, and claimed ‘anger’ at every turn. It was then that Tyler’s teachers suggested he see a specialist, to determine the cause of Tyler’s defiant behaviour.

After meeting with a specialist, it was decided that Tyler would be tested for ASD. “Autism? My son might have AUTISM?!!” were Mummy’s thoughts after leaving that first appointment.

And then the reports started coming in. “Tyler shows no remorse, and constantly makes bad choices” claimed one report from his school teacher. Another report from the doctor stated that “Tyler has an unusual way of speaking at times and can be somewhat legalistic.” This report then went on to say how Tyler “dislikes unexpected change, has increasing oppositional defiance, and ongoing articulation difficulties.” Finally, the occupational therapist report came in. “Tyler has poor fine motor skills. Tyler’s movement appears awkward. Tyler makes unusual noises to himself. Tyler has difficulty maintaining concentration.” And so continued the negativity…. Mummy could only read so much negativity about the son she loved so much before it became too much. Battling depression after events that had occurred earlier in her life, Mummy had no idea how to deal with this development, so once again, she stuck her head in the sand.

Meanwhile, Tyler’s behaviour was escalating. He was becoming more defiant, more violent, and more spiteful – not only at school, but also towards Mummy. Which brings us to now. The testing is still ongoing – and while be for a while yet – and Mummy needs help. You see, Tyler does not have a Daddy, and most of his family lives interstate. Tyler loves his family, but his family isn’t very supportive towards Mummy. Mummy cannot work, as she is busy dealing with his behaviour at school, as well as constantly taking him to appointments. Mostly, it’s the headaches that keep Mummy at home. Because of Tyler’s behaviour in public, Mummy has trouble leaving the house these days. She wants to leave and do fun things with Tyler, but she cannot, as she does not have the money, nor the confidence, to do so. All her money goes toward Tyler’s expenses, and she saves none of it for herself.


This is the story I have shared here, where I asked for help for the first time in ...a long time. The summarised version of my life as a parent, basically.
I have finally hit that point. You know, the one where you have to ask for help before you sink into a hole so deep, you will never see the light of day again. I'm just grateful I was able to realise what was happening before it was too late. And I am grateful for the friends who come to my rescue when I need them most - thank you, all of you. <3

Peace out.

- L. x

Autism Awareness Month.

As some of you may know, Spawn is currently undergoing an ASD diagnosis. I'm not kidding when I say it is long, expensive, exhausting and scary. But you know what I've learned this year? It's okay to fear the unknown. There is so much out there that none of us know (including what actually causes ASD!?), yet people can become so accustomed to their own little bubble of safety, that they never expect to have to deal with something as scary as ASD.
I have to admit, the first time I heard the word 'autism' in relation to my son, I almost burst into tears. I see autistic kids as being those super intelligent children who cannot talk, never show emotion, and live extraordinary lives that are anything but normal. All I wanted (and I'm assuming most parents would feel the same way) was for my child to grow up having lots of friends, confidence, and maybe some skills in the athletic world. Instead, I'm learning that Spawn has sensory processing issues, which explains some of his behaviour and his incessant need to touch myself (and others) to the point where it gets annoying. Which often results in guilt. Why is my son touching me annoying?? I should welcome his touch, right??! WRONG. You don't need to have sensory processing issues to become overwhelmed by constant touching. It's like having a stage five cling-on partner - ain't nobody got time for that!
So don't feel bad if your child is too touchy. You don't have to feel guilty because some parents wished their child would touch them at all. Everybody is experiencing different things, and just because one person's problems are not as bad as another persons does not make them irrelevant. It just means that some people are at a point in their life where having the wrong shade of pink nail polish on their toes is a total disaster, while others are rocking in a corner wondering if it's all their fault that their child is 'different'.
However, a little consideration does go a long way! I recommend using the filter between your brain and mouth whenever you're in a social setting, purely to avoid any potential awkwardness. :)

So anyway, I digress (a little). April is Autism Awareness Month, and the month kicks off with a 'wear blue on April 2' theme, in order to help spread awareness.
Autism is more than just the a-typical "autism" that most people grew up understanding. As of 2013, Autism - or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) as it's now known - now encompasses all disorders on the spectrum, including the high-functioning Asperger Syndrome.

Many people comment on how children don't look like they have autism. ASD is not a deformity that leaves a person with visual anomalies. ASD makes a person special. Unique - more-so than others. ASD means that a child can have difficulty handling normal social situations, such as a trip to the supermarket, a school assembly, or understanding a person's boundaries. ASD means a person sees the world a little differently than us 'normal' folk, but that is in no way a bad thing. Can you imagine how amazing it could be to see the world in more than just black and white? To see yellow and blue and green and all the other colours of the spectrum??? I truly believe that 'normal' people are the ones who should be looked at with pity.

So the next time somebody tells you that their child has ASD, do yourself a favour; don't look at them with pity, or move away thinking they're contagious. Stop and have a conversation with them, if they're able. It could be one of the most enlightening conversations of your life. :)

If you're curious to read more about Autism Spectrum Disorder, there is plenty of information available, some of which can be found:
here
and here
and even here.

And if you're curious about the ASD diagnosis process, some information relating to how it's done in Australia can be found here. If you think someone you know may have ASD, the diagnosis process can be long and confusing, so don't be afraid to ask your GP questions, or go see a paediatrition/psychologist.

Peace out.

- L. x

Chasing waves at Bells Beach!