The Life of Anna [Book Review]

The Life of Anna - Marissa Honeycutt
 
Well, where do I start???
No seriously, I don't know where to start! This book actually rendered me speechless.

The Life of Anna is classed as a 'dark erotic' novel, which sets the tone for how this review will go.
The story is full of sex... It almost feels like it's nothing but sex! If it were to be turned into a movie, there would be no saving it like Fifty Shades of Grey - this would go straight to the hard porn section, LOL.

Marissa Honeycutt is one twisted author! Being a dark novel, you know straight away that there is going to be something twisted about it. Whether it's pain, or something more sinister, you know it's coming. Heck, there's even a solid warning at the start of the book (which is actually five books, but I bought the whole series as one big book because I'd heard good reviews about it) stating its darkness. Yet, I continued. What can I say?? I kind of like it dark sometimes. I'm a little dark myself.

However, what I am NOT is... Well, the list is long. I am not:
- a rapist, and there's a LOT of rape.
- a pedophile, and at one point in the book, it is revealed that the 'bad guy' basically molested a three-day old baby. Yep, told you, it's gross.
- a torturer, and the book is about sex slavery, basically. A bunch of the "men" in the book would more than likely have killed Anna, had she not been trained (basically since she was 12) to tolerate a man's wants. Bleh.
- incestuous.

This world is twisted, no doubt. I actually didn't plan on continuing reading this book after learning that Devin "claimed" Anna as a baby, but then I got sucked back in, because I knew this book ended with a happily ever after and well, I was curious. So at any mention of the "claiming", I skipped a few paragraphs and read on. However, I couldn't help but feel mildly disgusted with myself. Why am I still reading this filth??? I tasted bile in my mouth on more than one occasion...

What kept me reading, I hear you ask? Well, enter the Germans. Jesus, they sounded tall and handsome. Yummy. As did some of the other characters in the book. Whilst the story was dark, there were captivating elements, such as reading along as Anna became stronger and more independent. She was even happy at one point in the story. And yes, the pedophilia stuff is hinted at early on in the story, but I kind of remained oblivious to the yucky bits until it was shoved under my nose. By which point, I was hooked. Damn authors.

I know you're curious about some of the gross stuff.
Basically, the owners of the sex slaves are part of a Brotherhood. A Brotherhood that rules the world. The Brotherhood includes 'Elders': these guys rule countries (or states, in the case of the US) and aren't all super bad guys. Some of them are actually nice. Like the Germans. I like the Germans. I now have a desire to marry a German, so he can whisper sweet German nothings into my ear whilst he makes love to me.... Ahhhh.
I digress. To become an Elder, you must first become an Elder-Son. Basically, the legitimate first-born son of an Elder. This process involves lots of sex. Both hetero and homosexual. Immortals come into play as well, with their super large wangs that could tear humans in half, if they so desired. Creepy, right??!
As an Elder-Son, you are required to get married.Prior to the wedding, there are rituals, which vary depending on your family's traditions. The Germans are to be teased and aroused until their wang essentially grows and is perpetually hard until consummation after the wedding... During this process, the Elder-Son is fucked by the Elders - including his father. WHAT.
Yep, it's true. And Anna is shared amongst the German family. She sleeps with not only the son, but also his brother AND his father. His father even impregnates her at one point - on purpose. It's so twisted, but tame in comparison to the rest of the story.

So anyway, this book is both arousing and disgusting. I had to stop reading many times, due to being grossed out or turned on. Thankfully, never both at the same time. I feel dirty after finishing the book, but did enjoy the happily ever after. I enjoyed it immensely. The bastard got what's coming to him, yay. :)

3.5 stars, as it's well written (for the most part) and was able to reel me in, even when I was so grossed out I wanted to hunt the author down and get her admitted into a psychiatric hospital.

Peace out.

- L. x

Why 'NO' sets off defiant children.

But first; we had our appointment with the Dr yesterday, regarding Spawn's behaviour and reports, as per his school's request. Didn't learn a whole lot, mostly due to Spawn being horrifically loud and disruptive, but also as the Dr is referring us to the paediatrition to get an official diagnoses regarding the ASD and to possibly medicate Spawn - scary business.
It has been determined that Spawn has ADHD, which explains a LOT. He also more than likely has HFA and it is my understanding that the two together will make things interesting! Managing the ADHD could result in his ASD traits being further stimulated, which could backfire severely, for obvious reasons. So now I'm scared. Very scared.
I always swore I would never medicate my child when it comes to calming him down (well, before he had obvious behavioural issues, these were my thoughts) and yet, here I am considering it, after being told by a couple of specialists working with Spawn that it may help him a lot. Or it could backfire and make him worse. Awesome!

So anyway, this was posted in a wonderful group I'm in and I felt I had to share (and put it somewhere I can easily find it at a later date).

Why the Word "No" Sets off an Oppositional, Defiant Child
Many parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don’t like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they’re confused about why nothing works. They tell me they feel isolated and lonely because they can’t socialize with other families due to their child’s behavior. Certainly things like sleepovers, days at the beach, parties—all those activities become affected by this kind of child. It’s not surprising that these families have a harder time in general, and often wind up emotionally, spiritually, and functionally bankrupt. The other siblings grow up in an atmosphere of intimidation and frustration. Attempts to just get the oppositionality to stop, however well-intentioned, are often met with frustration and failure. As a parent of a child with ODD, your strategy has to be to learn how to manage the oppositionality in a way that slowly leads to its extinction. In the thirty years I worked with kids with ODD, I found that the following strategies helped improve their behavior and taught them how to cope when someone told them “no.”
As a parent of an oppositional, defiant child, every day brings a new fight as you try to exercise your authority.

Why “No” Triggers an Explosion
Nobody likes the word no, especially children and adolescents. “No” means disappointment, “no” means not getting what you want, and that’s frustrating and disappointing for everyone. Most children learn to deal with this somewhere around the age of two and three, when their personality actually forms. Over time, they develop the ability to balance their inner wants and needs with outside expectations and responsibility. But for kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the message they internalize is, “If I’m not in control, bad things happen. When bad things are happening around me, the only way I can survive is by being in control.” They react to the word “no” with yelling, threats, punching the wall or hurting one of their siblings. And the more chaos and inconsistency they perceive in their lives, the more they feel the need to stay in control.
For many of these kids, oppositionality and defiance become a way of reacting to authority. Every day brings a new fight as you try to exercise your authority. Whereas many children learn to accept that they can’t be in control all the time, children with ODD often experience a sense of panic when they see they’re not getting control. Their parents learn to walk around on tiptoes, and too many of them blame themselves or try to find some person, place or thing to point the finger at instead of focusing on the task at hand, which is, “How can I teach my child how to manage things today?”

Three Ways to De-escalate Oppositional, Defiant Behavior
“No” is a powerful word. All children have to learn how to deal with it, and children with ODD are no different. But there are things parents can do to avoid or escape from explosive behavior, or to redirect their child’s behavior.
I want you to remember those words: “Avoid", "Escape" and “Redirect.” Because we want to try to avoid conflicts with ODD kids, or escape those conflicts as soon as we can, and redirect them toward something positive.

• Avoid the Conflict

One of the ways we avoid conflict is by having a written structure posted some place where everyone can see it, like on your refrigerator, for example. This is really a schedule that would look like the following:
Daily Schedule
Snack and relax: 3:30-4:00 p.m.
Chores and homework: 4:00-to 5:00 p.m..
Free time: 5:00-6:00 p.m.
Dinner: 6:00 p.m.
Free time after dinner: 7:00 to 7:30 p.m.
Homework: 7:30 to 8:00 p.m.
Bedtime: 8:30 p.m.
I think these kids do better if they come home from school or daycamp, have a little snack, do some chores or homework, have brief play time, and then have dinner. After that they can do a few more chores, have some free time, then go to bed. Evenings need to be as subdued as possible. When you have such a schedule and your child says, “I want to play now,” you can say, “You know the schedule, Tommy. Playtime isn’t till after dinner.” Now in this case, although you’re saying no, you’re really re-focusing that child on the schedule. Understanding the schedule and internalizing the structure are important coping skills that kids with ODD need to develop. So you’re accomplishing two things here: You’re avoiding a direct fight with “no,” and you’re focusing on structure and scheduling, which are coping skills these kids need to learn.
And as a parent, remember that the idea is to not to think about yourself as giving in, but rather, you’re avoiding situations where there's a higher risk of your child acting out. So if you find yourself having to avoid too many situations when you’re at the mall because of the fear of outbursts, my recommendation is that you avoid going to the mall with that child until he’s at the skill level where he can handle it.
 

• Escape from Fights

The other strategy we want to look at is “Escape.” Once the fight with your child is starting or has begun escalating, you need to find a way to get out of it. First of all, you can state your position, turn around and walk away and not respond to the child’s backtalk. So, for example, you can say, “It’s not time for you to play video games now. It’s time for you to clean your room,” and then turn around and remove yourself from the argument. There are cases where you will find that a kid with ODD is backtalking to parents as they're on their way to do the chore you asked them to do in the first place. Sometimes it seems that their mouth and body are moving in two different directions! Don’t let yourself be pulled into the backtalk, either. Just simply go about your business and do something else.
Redirect your child’s behavior
The third important step in the plan to de-escalate the oppositional behavior is to “Redirect” the child. Redirecting is a strategy you can use when the child’s behavior starts to escalate. You can say, “Remember, you want to watch that show at 6:30, so stay focused,” and then turn around and walk away. This redirects their attention to something else and teaches them to focus on something other than the argument. Redirecting is also helpful in situations where there have been conflicts in the past, and where you know an explosion is likely. You can distract your child by getting him to do something differently early in the escalation period. So when you see that he is starting to get agitated, that’s the time to send him to do some alternate task that can be helpful for the family. For instance, “Please go get the lettuce out of the refrigerator and wash it for the salad. That would be a big help.”

•   Stop Throwing Fuel on the Fire

I think it’s important for parents to understand that once a kid with ODD starts arguing about being told “no,” he gets very invested in the process of arguing as much as the outcome. So in effect, the argument fuels itself. The first thing parents have to do is stop throwing fuel on the fire: Don’t argue or talk back to the child. State the rule, state the expectation or the task at hand, and walk away. When times are calm, sit down with your child and have a discussion and say, briefly and concisely, “I don't think arguing helps us solve our problems. So I’m not going to argue with you anymore. And the time you spend talking back and arguing with me when I’m not responding will be taken off your computer time tonight. 2 minutes for every 1 minute you argue.” Don’t overly explain or justify by giving examples. Tell him the rule, but don’t sit there and get into an argument about it. Get up and move on to something else. Expect him to argue right then and there. But understand that the best way you can deal with children with this particular disorder is to lay out a structure and stick with it.
I think it’s important for parents to remember that many of these kids do develop coping skills, it’s just that, as the poet Theodore Roethke said, “a slow growth is a hard thing to endure.” Time helps with these guys. Age helps. And they can learn problem-solving and negotiation skills, it just takes a little longer, and will take more patience on your part. Stick to a plan that on one end is flexible enough to deal with their impulses, but on the other is firm enough to hold them strictly accountable, and I believe you will see real change.

Peace out.

- L. x

Translations:
ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder
ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
HFA - High-Functioning Autism (or Aspergers, as it was known until 2013)

I like it Rough.

Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Does anyone ever sync youtube through the sound system and blare random playlists whilst they clean the house?? I love doing this - some of the most random songs ever always make an appearance!

Today, I cleaned the walls (among other things). Probably the most tedious task ever, so I researched ways to make it easier/more exciting than simply scrubbing the walls with a sponge doused in sugar soap...

Want to know the easy way to clean walls? Read on! :)

• First, dust the walls so you're not smearing the specs of dead skin and other gross stuff all over the place. Dry dust is one thing, but it's significantly more annoying once it gets wet!
• Then, grab a magic eraser block thing. These are one of the best inventions since the mobile phone! Follow the eraser directions and scrub at the more stubborn marks such as texta, handprints, scuff marks, etc. 
• Next up, you can go one of two ways. You can either fill a bucket with water and multipurpose cleaner and use a cloth to wipe down the walls, or you can buy a refill pack of those dettol floor cleaner things and use those to clean the walls! I went with the latter today because I wanted it to be as easy as possible! 
• Once you've finished cleaning the walls, grab some dryer sheets (I was fortunate to have a friend send me a bunch of awesome smelling ones - shame I don't have a dryer!) and wipe the walls and skirting boards. (you know, that wood that runs along the bottom of the wall?) These, as I discovered during my research, help REPEL dust, meaning you wont have to clean as often! YAY! (I'll report back on whether or not this is actually true.)
• Once you've completed your wall cleaning duties, grab your (clean) mop, a glass of wine, and crank some tunes to dance to whilst you admire your clean walls before unleashing your spawn to dirty them once more.

I am currently up to the last step. I bought myself a lovely bottle of red for mothers day and felt it necessary to 'test' the wine before sharing it with others tomorrow. ;)

Today's Playlist: (sample)
Three Days Grace - Pain
Hilary Duff - Chasing the Sun
David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo & Akon - Play Hard <--best cleaning song ever.
Ke$ha - The Harold Song
Andy Grammer - Honey, I'm Good
Hilary Duff - All About You
Christina Perri - Human
Go Comet! - Worlds Apart

This was similar to my actions earlier, lol.

Words of Wisdom.

Note to self:
I am allowed to cry.
I am allowed to scream.
But... I am not allowed to give up.
It will all get done somehow; just breathe.

Nobody ever said parenting is easy. Actually, I'm pretty sure I was told repeatedly prior to entering motherhood that parenting is one of the hardest things I'd ever do. Still, I never expected it to be THIS difficult. I'm not much of a drinker (thank you binge-drinking teenage self!), yet I find myself constantly craving a glass of red, or a shot of tequila - pretty much anything that will take the edge off and let me cut loose for a minute or so.

But alas, that would require spending money on myself. And doing so results in mummy guilt, because Lord forbid I spend even a few dollars on myself!! :/
Mummy guilt is one of the worst things ever! Seriously, parenting is hard enough! Why do we torture ourselves by neglecting our basic need to feel good??!

Diagnosis is one step closer to completion....whatever the diagnosis may be. Spawn's school psychologist did this test that shows what a child MAY have. Spawn has markers for so many behavioural disorders! Some of which weren't a surprise - namely ADHD and ODD - however, to learn he scored so high in some areas was a bit of an eye-opener. How do I deal with this?? How HAVE I been dealing with this??!! Then I take note of myself and realise exactly how I've been dealing with it. By neglecting myself. From my neglected hair, to my neglected nails, right down to my faded old clothes and bad skin. Don't forget my weight. Jesus, my weight. I've cracked 100kg since the diagnosis process began. I hovered there for a little while previously, but had never actually cracked that satanic figure - until now. You'd think it would be motivation enough to kickstart me into doing something to lose the weight, but I lack the ability to care.

That's the thing about depression - you stop CARING. About EVERYTHING. I don't care that my hair looks like crap. I don't care that my skin is horrible. I don't care that I appear unapproachable and bitchy. I don't care that I cannot remember the last time I wore mascara (quite a feat considering I would NEVER have left the house without it even a couple of years ago!). I just DON'T. CARE. Which is the truly terrible thing about it all. Spawn has all he needs, and that's all that matters. Well, that appears to be the thought process inside my head. But he doesn't really have all he needs, because his mother - his ONLY parent - is a shell of a human. A large, ugly shell, who cannot remember the last time she truly felt happy.

I propose a resolution: let us all resolve to change things. Put ourselves above our child's possessions. Because really, what is the point in having a bunch of toys if your parents wont get down on the floor and laugh and play with you?

Peace out.

- L. x

Osso Buco w/ Creamy Polenta

I love my slow cooker. I love that I can quickly chop some stuff up, throw it in the cooker and have a yummy meal at dinnertime. Most of the time, I'm all about the easy meals. Particularly these days, now that my days are so busy!

INGREDIENTS:
900g beef, diced* (I used pre-cut slow cooker beef from Woolworths, but any cheap cut will do!)
2 tbspn plain flour (I used GF flour)
1 red onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
3 carrots, sliced thickly
2 sticks celery, sliced
400g tin diced/crushed tomatoes
2/3 cup dry white wine
2 tspn Italian/mixed herbs
2 tbspn tomato paste
4 cups (1L) beef stock
1 cup polenta (also known as yellow cornmeal)
1/3 cup grated parmesan cheese
2 tbspn butter

*true osso buco uses veal, however I find it impossible to stomach eating baby calves, so use beef instead. Personal preference, really.

METHOD:
Place beef and flour in a bowl and toss to coat. Heat 1 tbspn olive oil in a large frying pan over med-high heat and cook beef for a few minutes, until browned.
Transfer beef to a plate and put onion, garlic, carrots and celery in pan, cooking for 3 minutes or until vegetables start to brown. Add herbs and cook for a further minute, until herbs are fragrant.
Add vegetables to slow cooker, along with beef, tomatoes, wine, paste and 1 cup of beef stock. Gently stir to combine, then cook on low for 6-7 hours - the longer, the better. 

To make polenta, allow 30-40 minutes, and do so right before serving, before the polenta 'sets' and is still lovely and creamy.
Bring 3 cups of beef stock and 1 cup of water to the boil over med-high heat. Add the polenta slowly, in a steady stream, gently whisking to ensure the polenta doesn't get lumpy. Reduce heat to low and continue whisking until the polenta has thickened slightly. Cover and cook for 30 minutes, stirring every ten minutes to ensure the sides and bottom do not stick to pan or dry out.
Turn off heat and stir in butter and cheese, then serve immediately.

Any leftover polenta can be spread on a flat surface to 'set', then cut into pieces and roasted/fried/grilled the next day to serve with leftover osso buco. :) 

**I got the polenta recipe from here and altered it to suit the meal.

Enjoy!

- L. x