The End is Nigh.

Oh, my gosh.

These holidays have been a blast! However, I am more than ready for Spawn to return to school! His need to defy everything I ask him to do has my hair turning greyer than ever before.... So tragic. I am officially at the stage where I will be dying my hair for the rest of my life. :(

Recap of the holiday activities we have partaken:
- zoo. This was fun, until Spawn decided to meltdown and run around making himself trip - what is with that??? I need to bring this up with the paed at our next appointment. It does my head in to no end!
- craft activities. These have been my saviour, without a doubt! I stocked up on a bunch of Naplan style math workbooks, and bribe Spawn to behave in order to get one. *snickers* Bribery is an amazing tool.
- baking. Didn't do as much of this as I thought we would, but Spawn did enjoy making a strawberry cake, then making a strawberry puree to put on top. Neighbours were very appreciative of our efforts!
- Sovereign Hill. This was our last day out for the holidays (apart from the trip to the shopping centre the following day, which resulted in disaster [details to come!]) and a lot of fun! I hadn't been to Sovereign Hill in a REALLY long time and it was amazing how little it had changed, yet how different it looks from an adult's perspective. Spawn had fun doing the mine tours and panning for gold, and now has a new obsession with all things gold related. Love the obsessive mentality of his mind. He truly is incapable of doing anything by halves! He also met a little girl and his impulsive nature meant he had no problem straight up asking her for her number! (she would have been around 4) This little girl then came up and casually put her arm around him. It was so adorable! I love the innocence of kids. So pure and untainted. :)

During the holidays, I have tried implementing new techniques to prevent angry outbursts from the little devil spawn, however few methods seem to work. I know that you have to give things time to sink in, but when you're trying to calm an aggressive child down and he gets significantly worse - well, this does not call for a fun time. I feel like all we're doing in going in circles, with no sane way out. The calm bottle however, is an AMAZING thing. It actually works, if I get Spawn to play with it before his temper fully kicks in. Loving it immensely!

On the topic of sanity; I officially lost mine yesterday. We went to the shopping centre to buy groceries and a new board game to play over the quiet weekend to come, and Spawn went ballistic, trying to destroy things in the centre!!! Not so much embarrassing, as I find myself being able to ignore most of the stares, but definitely depressing. Am so grateful that my mum was in the area and able to take him for the day - it worries me what could have happened if he had stayed with me. :/
Chocolate swirled brioche and red wine definitely helped me a little though. I found my sanity at the bottom of the bottle - yay. :)

I find myself a little scared at the prospect of Spawn returning to school. I'm getting to the point where I want to drop him off, then turn my phone off and not worry about anything until I pick him up at 3:30. All the phone calls and face-to-face conversations are so taxing! I am so grateful that Spawn's teachers are understanding and try to keep him in line, but him being sent home really doesn't help our situation. He comes home so ANGRY - at me mostly - that I dread it. 100%, no doubt about it. Don't want it to happen!!

Ah well. If I were a believer of God, I would be SO upset at the idea of him believing I am worthy of such a child. Just once, I'd love for something to happen in my life that wasn't so... demanding? Painful? Intense? Hard?
Just give me easy, please? Just ONE thing. I don't ask for much, do i?

Peace out.

- L. x

Mummy asked for help....

On October 16 2009, little Tyler came into the world, far earlier than Mum expected. Weighing in at 4lb4.5oz, the little 33-weeker changed his Mum’s life forever, in the best way possible.

Apart from being premature, Tyler also suffered reflux, and then dairy intolerance. Early on, he wasn’t fond of being cuddled for too long, and co-sleeping was never an option. It soon became apparent that little Tyler had quite the temper. He very much disliked things not going his way, and wasn’t afraid to voice his thoughts – through screaming.

At two, Tyler still wasn’t talking. He made the occasional grunt, but there was no attempt at words. In the back of her mind, Mummy was worried, naturally, but those worries were often shooed away as he was thriving in all other aspects of his life.

At three, the meltdowns began. He had started using words, however was hard to understand, which led to his frustration. I’m sure he was wondering why nobody knew what he was saying!!! Especially given how loud he shouted his demands. It was around then that Mummy started wondering if something was wrong with Tyler. He just didn’t seem ..right. In her eyes, he was perfect, as every child is, but his behaviour toward others was unlike those around him.

At four, he was in kindergarden, where he frequently got in trouble for not listening and using inappropriate behaviour. Outings with friends and family became scarce as his behaviour significantly worsened outside the home – quite a feat given how bad he was becoming at home! Mummy was studying to try and maintain her sanity, and regrettably buried her head in the sand. Surely it’s just a phase? Don’t all kids turn into brats in the toddler stage of their lives??! Tyler also began intensive speech therapy, and his speech greatly improved to the point where Mummy could now understand a lot of what he was saying! Other kids however, still looked at him funny if he got too excited and became unintelligible.

And now, at five, Tyler is in school. Right from the start, Mummy had quite the experience, having meetings with Tyler’s teachers seemingly every other day, to discuss Tyler’s behaviour toward others. Not only was he defiant, he also became aggressive. He shut down whenever confronted about his behaviour, and claimed ‘anger’ at every turn. It was then that Tyler’s teachers suggested he see a specialist, to determine the cause of Tyler’s defiant behaviour.

After meeting with a specialist, it was decided that Tyler would be tested for ASD. “Autism? My son might have AUTISM?!!” were Mummy’s thoughts after leaving that first appointment.

And then the reports started coming in. “Tyler shows no remorse, and constantly makes bad choices” claimed one report from his school teacher. Another report from the doctor stated that “Tyler has an unusual way of speaking at times and can be somewhat legalistic.” This report then went on to say how Tyler “dislikes unexpected change, has increasing oppositional defiance, and ongoing articulation difficulties.” Finally, the occupational therapist report came in. “Tyler has poor fine motor skills. Tyler’s movement appears awkward. Tyler makes unusual noises to himself. Tyler has difficulty maintaining concentration.” And so continued the negativity…. Mummy could only read so much negativity about the son she loved so much before it became too much. Battling depression after events that had occurred earlier in her life, Mummy had no idea how to deal with this development, so once again, she stuck her head in the sand.

Meanwhile, Tyler’s behaviour was escalating. He was becoming more defiant, more violent, and more spiteful – not only at school, but also towards Mummy. Which brings us to now. The testing is still ongoing – and while be for a while yet – and Mummy needs help. You see, Tyler does not have a Daddy, and most of his family lives interstate. Tyler loves his family, but his family isn’t very supportive towards Mummy. Mummy cannot work, as she is busy dealing with his behaviour at school, as well as constantly taking him to appointments. Mostly, it’s the headaches that keep Mummy at home. Because of Tyler’s behaviour in public, Mummy has trouble leaving the house these days. She wants to leave and do fun things with Tyler, but she cannot, as she does not have the money, nor the confidence, to do so. All her money goes toward Tyler’s expenses, and she saves none of it for herself.


This is the story I have shared here, where I asked for help for the first time in ...a long time. The summarised version of my life as a parent, basically.
I have finally hit that point. You know, the one where you have to ask for help before you sink into a hole so deep, you will never see the light of day again. I'm just grateful I was able to realise what was happening before it was too late. And I am grateful for the friends who come to my rescue when I need them most - thank you, all of you. <3

Peace out.

- L. x