Showing posts with label save me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label save me. Show all posts

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

Nobody's Perfect.

I make no claim to be perfect. Apparently I give off some uppity vibe that leaves people thinking I'm either up myself, b*tchy, a know-it-all, or all of the above.
I'm not.

I've faked confidence and happiness for so long that people misconstrue it for something it isn't.
I'm not being cocky when I make factual statements; I'm smart, therefore I know stuff. If you don't want to know something, don't ask the question. I'm of the impression that questions are to be answered, unless they're obviously rhetorical.
I'm not being a bitch when you walk up to me unannounced and I'm deep in concentration/in my own world; I have resting bitch face and selective hearing, due to a five year old who never. shuts. up.
When I have my fake smile on that looks more like a grimace, it's not because I can't stand to be around you; it's because on the inside, I'm dying a little every day, and every day it gets a little harder to pretend.
If I tell a stupid little lie that is obviously untrue, it's not because I'm a liar: it's because I'm afraid to tell the truth. Afraid to be judged. Afraid I'm going to be found wanting. Afraid someone will look at me a little too closely and see this facade that I wish were true, if only for a minute. Because Lord forbid I let it be known that I'm in the pits of depression, green with envy as all my friends fulfill their dreams, while I'm stuck in this pit. This hell. This pathetic thing known as my life.
And when I'm quick to lose my temper at you, it's not because I'm a cow. It's because I've been burnt far too many times and am now forever afraid to let new people in.

So the next time you come across someone who seems like a snobby bitch, don't be quick to give them the flick. You never know when being the first to say "hello" will make a person's day.

Peace out.

- L. x

Friday, 20 March 2015

Big, Bad, Ranty Rant.

It's that time.
TL;DR: my life is shit and I'm just going to complain about my first world problems for a bit.

Have you ever had one of those days that just brought everything together? Like, one thing happens, and then another thing happens, and before you know it, your whole life just seems like one big pot of rotten doggy-doo? 

I'm having one of those days. It started off okay. I did school drop-off, and even got a great park! Then, I went to the library to pickup the book that they told me was waiting for me......except it wasn't. Waiting for me, that is. Whatever. No biggy. I'm currently reading two books anyway! (The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, and The Longest Ride by Nicholas Spark; in case you were wondering)
Get in my car to come home and realise I forgot to put petrol in my car last night. Then remember I left my purse on the bench. (Lucky that book wasn't ready - I wouldn't have been able to borrow it anyway!) This later turns into a hilariously depressing issue.
Get home and binge watch some Pretty Little Liar... I'm now up to s5e18. WOO! Had some funny chats on fb, a great phone call from a friend.... The kind of day that makes up for the barely registered crap of the morning. 

Then it goes downhill... I get a phone call from someone close to me. Basically, they won't be around for my birthday this year. Granted, my birthday isn't until September, but that's beside the point! This is a big year!! I'll be 21!!!! (with a *cough* few years experience) Whatever. That hurt, but not a lot.
Next up: a phone call from the occupational therapist saying there's been a cancellation and they can see Spawn on Monday. GREAT!! We're on a care plan to help with this whole potential ASD diagnosis process, so I'm glad to be seeing her earlier. Spawn really needs help getting a grip (literally) at school. Then I find out it's going to set me back over $200. YAY. Have I mentioned I'm a single mum? Most of you probably know that, but figured I should put it out there. Bring on the pity party.......or not.
So this $220, plus the speech therapist fees (no idea how much she's charging - less than the OT I assume), plus my own medical expenses.... Can you see where I'm heading???
TODAY SUCKS.

So then I go to pick up Spawn. Get to the roundabout... Wait for incompetent morons to navigate the roundabout.... Car stalls. WHAT THE FRUITCAKE?! I never stall!!! I'm a perfectly competent manual driver!!! Realise car is out of petrol. Servo is 200m from the roundabout.... Am fortunate enough to live in a nice enough neighbourhood, so a local tradie helps me get to the servo. Yay tradies! :)

I know it doesn't sound like much, but it is. Especially when I'm battling depression and trying to come to terms with the possibility of my son receiving a medical label in the near future. It's just hard, ya know?? 

I want a job. I want money. I want to live in a better house, that has proper heating and cooling. I want to be rid of this depression. I want to be healthy. I want to be stress-free. I don't want to be so isolated. I want to stay in this great community I'm in, but also want to move closer to friends and happiness.
I just want to be happy. Why is happiness so hard to achieve?? It's the one thing every person is born with, yet have that happiness leave you and it's mission: impossible, to get it back. 
 
Peace out.

- L. x

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Reminiscing.

So way back when (think five years ago), I used to blog. My posts were similar to the ones you read today, in that I was a crazy lady back then too. Except I was also sleep deprived and dealing with the perks of being mother to a (not-so) little baby. Nawwwwwww.

Anyway, I thought I'd share my first post from my old blog...... I've grown up a lot these past five years, haha. :)

I wasn't always this way. Once upon a time I was about as normal as normal gets. Happy, carefree, impulsive..... Not sure what happened!? ...oh, that's right. A living being decided to grow inside of me and not only steal my heart, but also my sanity.
No wait, that's a lie. I've never been normal. I've never cared what anyone thought... Always spoke my mind, and did whatever I pleased. I'm the sort of special you only read about. The infamous "window licker" variety. Rare species we are. ....Rare, yet totally awesome!
So I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here!? Well, I have all this *stuff* running through my head! All day, every day, it's there...Sending my brain into overdrive, and resulting in the CRAZY. So I decided (after severe peer pressure!) to start a blog. Never done this before.... Slightly disturbed. Like the turd my son did this morning.... I wont gross you out with details, but it was badddddddd!

So anyway, the moral of my blog? Oh, there is none. I just wanted to waste your time! :)

Up and coming blogs may include.....
Moving across the country.
Christmas chaos.
Smelly poo's.
Cleaning.
Rants.
And other hilarious bullsh*t.


You may not know this, but I moved across the country shortly after writing that post. With my lovely one year old and not much else. The similarities between then and now are a little crazy. Which is fitting, considering my crazy theme!
Then: single mum, man-hater, battling postnatal depression, stress relating to the impending move, adjusting to life with a walker...
Now: single mum, man-hater, overcoming depression, job hunting stress, trying to decide whether to move or stay where I am, adjusting to life with a (somewhat) 'diagnosed' boy....

No wonder I'm crazy!! I need to stop putting myself in situations that cause so much stress! And maybe go get my hair dyed. My greys are showing.

Peace out.

- L. x

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Job Interview.

Oh, yay. I do love me a good job interview!

But seriously, why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to shine brighter than the sun come interview day??? My interview is tomorrow, so I still have a little time before the nerves kick in: this will more than likely occur at midnight tonight, for optimum effect.

I'm awesome. I graduated with a GPA of 3.3. Sure, that's not the greatest, but when you take into consideration that half of my first semester was spent battling glandular fever, thus giving me a GPA of 2.2 for that year.... I did GOOD. My transcript is more HD than anything else, I have a photographic memory, I'm reliable, hardworking and optimistic... I'm also a single mum, I live an hour train ride away, I'm frumpy and in desperate need of an eyebrow wax. But still, I'm amazing! I just need to remind myself of this.

Say it with me, crazies: I. AM. AMAZING! I. AM. A. WARRIOR! I. CAN. KICK. BUTT!

Meh. In less amusing news, I've spent half the weekend preparing for this interview, whilst the other half has been spent researching Aspergers. Have I mentioned I love researching things? Because I do. Just not medical things, apparently. So confusing. My brain can't make heads or tails of anything that I'm trying to retain, thus resulting in an entire waste of a weekend.
*sigh*

Life is great. I have a house, I have food, I have my health (to an extent - let us not go there!), and I actually manage to obtain interviews at prestigious law firms. More than I can say for many, I suppose.
(this was more for me than you.)

Peace out.

- L. x

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Age Discrimination.

Yes, ladies and gents, I am about to vent about age discrimination in the twenty-first century.

You would think that applying for work in the legal field would mean there is less discrimination, as they know these laws are enforced. WRONG. I am quickly discovering that the legal industry is one of the worst when it comes to discrimination, as they know HOW to evade the law. This realisation is slowly shattering my faith in humanity; or at least my faith in Australia's legal profession.

Nevermind the other aspects of myself that I could be discriminated against - namely the fact that I am female, or that I am a parent (and a single parent at that!). Oh no, let us focus on this one aspect, as it is the one that is hard to hide from potential employers. YES, I did just say "hide from potential employers", because let's face it, I have to hide the fact that I am doing an amazing job raising Spawn on my own. Lest nobody hire me because I spend my 'free time' raising a human being.

I digress. The relevant subsections of s.3 of the Age Discrimination Act 2004 (Cth)* state the following:
The objects of this Act are:
(a)  to eliminate, as far as possible, discrimination against persons on the ground of age in the areas of work, education, access to premises, the provision of goods, services and facilities, accommodation, the disposal of land, the administration of Commonwealth laws and programs and requests for information; and
(d)  to promote recognition and acceptance within the community of the principle that people of all ages have the same fundamental rights; and
(e)  to respond to demographic change by:
   (i)  removing barriers to older people participating in society, particularly in the workforce; and
   (ii) changing negative stereotypes about older people;
Bearing in mind the international commitment to eliminate age discrimination reflected in the Political Declaration adopted in Madrid, Spain on 12 April 2002 by the Second World Assembly on Ageing.

And I KNOW this is happening to me. I know, because I was told that I would more than likely be unsuccessful at one particular interview, once she discovered what year I finished high school. Like, I knew she was fishing for my age without coming out and asking me directly how old I am, because my date of birth is irrelevant, but I honestly was not expecting to have that response straight to my face. It angered me so badly. Like, you cannot even begin to fathom the anger that flowed through my veins as I watched the expression on her face transform from pleasant to 'I need to hurry up and get this lady out of my office - a 29 year old trying to start a new career path is a waste of my time'. That is the EXACT look that came upon her face. Disgusting. I did think of later sending her an email quoting the Act, but thought better of it. I'm better than her - I'm better than all of those stinking discriminating bastards.

And that, people, is how you own the shit out of your circumstances. You OWN your flaws right alongside your strengths. Sure, I'm turning 30 this year. But I also won't be running off to take maternity leave in a couple of years. I won't be changing career paths, because this will be my career until I retire. I won't react childishly to certain things, because I've lived longer than some fresh out of school kid. I will handle pressure and bad days better than a teenager, because I put things into perspective and know that it's easier to just GET. IT. DONE. But whatever, their loss. Someone will hire me. And they won't regret it, because I am amazing, and I refuse to let this discriminative bullshit get me down. I will one day look down at those pathetic people and smile - smile because I won.

Peace out.

- L. x

**The Act can be found here.

Monday, 2 March 2015

You Have Failed This Consumer!

Samsung, you've done it again.

Well, almost.... Okay, you COULD have done it again. But then you took away the removable battery and micro SD slot. So now, the new S6 is just a fancy phone. Just like the iPhone. NO DEAL, Samsung. NO DEAL.

Have you seen the fancy new video announcing the details of Samsung's latest creation?? It's right here. I'm so gutted. I currently have the Samsung Note 3, which I've had since it was first released almost 18 months ago. So obviously, I'm about due for a new phone. Now I don't know what to get. I like the removable battery thing!! And I LOVEEEEEEE the SD slot!!! It's added security, which is great considering my phone is my life, my camera, my everything. I break my phone, I lose everything............well I would, if I didn't have an SD card saving my arse. ;)

Hmph. Such a first world problem, for sure, but a real problem nonetheless. So, help a girl out. What phone should I get? Added bonus if it comes with a stylus!
I'm thinking I should just wait for the Note 5, and hope Samsung reverts back to the way Samsung lovers want things. Not the way Apple lovers love their iPhones. We get android phones because we DON'T want iPhones, after all.

Peace out, crazies.

- L. x
The pretty phone in question - the Samsung Galaxy S6.



Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Ooooh, burrrn.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Have to blog this while it's fresh.

You know what I hate?! Being one of those people who HAS to have dinner on the table at 17:30.
Why?? Because it means I can get phone calls regarding jobs I've applied for (and other useless calls) while I'm sitting down to eat.
Case in point: I just sat down to enjoy my tofu stir-fry. It smells so good that I practically started INHALING it the second my butt hit the chair. I was just putting a piece of almost raw (the best way to eat it!) broccoli into my mouth, when my phone rang. I recognised the number as being that of "X", so quickly chewed and swallowed. By the time the broccoli was traveling down my throat, I had missed X's call. Ugh. No problem! *calls back* VOICEMAIL. Leave brief 'phone tag' message, then resume eating, thinking I probably won't hear back until tomorrow..... A few minutes later, I had JUST put piece of broccoli in mouth and my phone rings again! Bugger this; I'm so not playing phone tag all evening! So I swallow the exceptionally large piece of broccoli WHOLE. Gotta love not having a gag reflex. ;)
Exchange pleasantries with X. Discover this call is basically a rejection call. "The other candidate we're going to interview has a fraction more experience than you, which is why we've decided to interview her over you. However, should we decide not to go with this candidate, we will be in touch."
Okay, that's fine. I get that - I know I'm super green with my freshly completed education and lack of workplace experience.......BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THIS NOW?! Why not just call me tomorrow and reject me/ask for an interview????? Some people make NO SENSE AT ALL.
And now I'm sitting here with a piece of broccoli chilling uncomfortably at the entrance to my stomach, all thanks to this 'maybe' phone call.

....I need an alternate ending for when I'm feeling anything but "peaceful".

- L. x

Monday, 16 February 2015

Mad Woman, Bad Woman, that's just what you are...

Yeah, you'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car.

Remember that time I mentioned my waning sanity??? Well, it's waning some more right now. Well, today. Why is parenting so hard? Why don't you get an instruction manual, that also includes a list of common issues children dish out over the years?!! I swear, the person who comes up with that manual, and finds a way to give it to everyone in the country (or world!) deserves a prize. Like, a country or something equally epic.

Soooo. How's the serenity?! No, really. Tell me. I forget what it's like to know real peace! Even while Spawn is at school - and I CHERISH those precious 6.5 hours - I never really experience serenity. There are always floors to clean, dishes to do, food to prep, shopping to do, people to see, cleaning to do, toys to hide.....I mean, put away.
DOES. IT. EVER. END?!! Who knows? Maybe some great-grandparents know. Although, I suspect they're facing their own problems....like incontinence.

I'm looking forward to watching The Walking Dead (s5e10 for those in the know) tonight. Ahhh, nothing like some mindless zombie action to distract a crazy lady. Daryl is supposed to have a decent appearance tonight. I miss him. He was such a crazy redneck when he first came on the scene - I'm not sure when I developed a little crush on him?!!! And he's old!!! Like, (almost) as old as my parents! Creeps me out. He aged well. *excited*

If you need me, I'll be that weird lady in the corner talking to herself about the days when sanity was a thing she knew well.........

Peace out.

- L. x

Friday, 6 February 2015

Misophonia.

Misophonia (mis-oh-foh-niă)
Noun. dislike of or aversion to sound.

Sometimes referred to as 'selective sound sensitivity syndrome', misophonia is a rare neuropsychiatric disorder in which experiences such as anger, hatred, flight and disgust are triggered by specific sounds.

Hands up who thinks they could be a candidate for this disorder???!
*puts hand up*
Not going to lie - I am one of those people who, in certain circumstances, can be easily aggravated. Especially where sound is concerned! I cannot stand people who chew with their mouth open - Spawn learnt very quickly to close his trap whilst chewing! I also despise the sound of weird breathers, high pitch sounds, air-conditioners at night, and other random sounds.
I always thought it a little weird that certain sounds could evoke such violence to pour out of me without notice, so imagine my surprise to learn that this is actually a real thing. People actually get diagnosed with this!!! Like, WHAT ON EARTH!? Are there any misophonia sufferers out there??? Talk to me! :)

Further information on this disorder can be found here.

Peace out.

- L. x

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Sunday Funday & Those Damn Cyclists!

So today was the Cadel Evans GOR bike race, here in Geelong. Usually I love living where I do; across from the river in a cute little area. Until that area suffers horrific road closures all day so that a bunch of cyclists can race around in lycra!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for cyclists using their legs to get around, instead of creating pollution and further damaging our damaged planet.............until they get in my way. Then it's game on - I've even got the face paint to put on my war face!

Eh, wasn't so bad. Geelong looks pretty on camera. Go Australia! ;)

So, Sunday. The day before THAT day. You know, the worst day of the week?
I spent most of the day food prepping (which of course, is something I do), with the exception of walking to the park and getting frostbite thanks to Mother Nature failing dismally at her job. Does anyone remember what Summer is supposed to be like??? Shouldn't I be complaining of sweaty cleavage and sunburn, not being cold and hating the fact that I had to dig out my winter wardrobe in February??! Meanwhile, CANADA is having great weather, apparently. Damn Canucks. (I love you, Canada. Let's be friends!)

Then, to top off my fantastically boring Sunday, my internet drops out. Hmph. Here I am, trying to meal plan around the sauces and other random things I prepared today, and I lose internet whilst hunting down recipes!! Telstra, I do not pay you an obscene amount of money each month for you to drop out on me!! I was just bragging yesterday about how my internet NEVER. DROPS. OUT. Now I look like a liar. Not cool.

SINCERIOUSLY. How's this word!? I'm a bit of an Arrow addict, therefore I am also a Stephen Amell addict. Actually, I think my love for Captail Amell allows me to love Arrow more. He's such an amazing human being. When I grow up, I hope I can be half the philanthropist that he is.
Swore I'd use sinceriously in my next blog post. It is definitely something I love to do - speak sinceriously, that is.
For those who do not know, you'll find Captain Amell's definition of sinceriously below.

Okay, enough rambling from me, for now. ;)

Peace out!

- L. x

Saturday, 31 January 2015

Well, hi there!

My name is Crazy. I will be your guide for the next ...however long I'm here, to assist you whilst you decline into that state of being commonly known as "OMG MUM, YOU'RE SO WEIRD!"

I swear, I wasn't always this crazy. I've always been a little quirky - this is bound to happen when you grow up being the eldest of four, with three younger brothers. But once upon a time, I could have a conversation with strangers that wouldn't conclude with a weird look being sent in my direction by at least half my audience. My audience who, by now, is desperately trying to think up some excuse to get as far away from me as possible. LOL. See that on the floor?? That suspicious white puddle?? That's superglue. You're stuck here now - FOREVERRRRRR.

Ahahahaha. But seriously. Hello!
My name is L... Yeah, L. Let's just play it cool for awhile. ;)
My son is 5 years old. He is not allowed additives of any kind. Like I said, I'm trying to stay sane for as long as possible.
I live in Geelong, which is the second largest city in Victoria, Australia. My son goes to a cutesy little school with a big sense of community. I love it. The mothers are nice. Yes, NICE. I know some of you fellow mothers out there are thinking "but most mothers are nice!" ...No. Not once your children enter school. They turn, and they turn fast. Like vampires....except they don't sparkle. They glare. Maybe like zombies. Yeah, zombies.

Speaking of zombies, The Walking Dead, anyone??? I cannot wait for the break to end. YAY!

I was going to conclude this post with a recipe, but I think I'll create a new post, so those who don't want to read my ramblings, but want my recipes, can get them without walking away from this wondering what on Earth they just read.

Peace out!

- L. x