It's Done!

I moved! Yay!

..Now I have to pack for our Christmas holiday.. BALLS. 

In all seriousness though, I'm so glad we moved when we did! It was a lovely low-mid 20s during moving weekend, then the following weekend is one of the hottest on record for December?! Crazy. Also managed to have aircon installed on Friday, ready for the 42 degree day on Saturday . I haven't really mentioned it, but I kind of LOVE the owners! So good. 

I have almost finished unpacking this place, thank God. I wanted to have most of it done before we left for Brisbane, so I could find everything we will need. Easy enough, except I cannot find certain things of mine!! My brothers dumped the last load from the move into the garage  (yes, I have a garage now!) and I feel the stuff I need is in a box I missed going through before stacking the stuff for storage. Super sad. Cannot be arsed going through it, so we will go without. No biggie, not really. Just means no swimming for this whale lol. 

Moving meant we got the tree up too! That's exciting . I think it's the thing I was most looking forward to about moving - finally being able to put the tree up!!! Spawn decorated it, so my OCD is going a little haywire, but it's still exciting! I think next year I'll decorate the front yard, just because I can! There's so much solar stuff nowadays that I don't need to worry too much about the killer electricity bill! Woo! ;)

That'll do. I have too much to do to sit here in a pensive state! 

Merry Christmas, crazies. 

- L. xx

Mozzarella stuffed Meatballs

Oh, my gosh! Three posts in one day! Am I crazy? Bored? Both!?

I made these the other day after seeing the video on Facebook. I tweaked the recipe a little, but only because it's American and they have everything in a can/jar. Australians have to put in a few seconds more work, lol.

So anyway, this recipe makes a massive amount of meatballs! I invited my two giant brothers and mother over to help us eat them, and still had leftovers!

INGREDIENTS:
500g beef mince
500g pork mince
2 eggs
1 cup breadcrumbs (or almond meal for GF)
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
1/2 cup milk
1 tbspn mixed herbs
1/4 tspn ground chilli
Salt & pepper, to taste
1 blob thing of mozzarella, cut into 1cm cubes
500g jar spaghetti sauce (I used five brothers)

METHOD:
Place all ingredients except mozzarella and sauce in a large bowl, and combine thoroughly with your hands. Grab enough meat to cover the cheese and roll into a ball. Repeat until all meat is used.
Tip half of the sauce into the slow cooker.
Heat frying pan over medium heat and cook the balls in batches, just so they're browned on two sides (a couple of minutes each side) and then put in slow cooker. Once all meatballs have been browned, cover the top with the rest of the sauce. I added a drop of water to the jar and shook to get all the sauce out - it didn't quite dress each meatball and I can be particular like that.
Place the lid on the slow cooker and cook on high for 2.5 hours.
Serve with whatever you like! (Pasta is good though!)

Enjoy!

- L. x

Moving Sucks.

Soo, I'm moving! ...5 minutes down the road, lol.

As some of you know, Spawn is a turd. Especially where our stairs are involved! So I made the decision to relocate to a single storey residence. Also thought I'd find a place that ticked a few boxes I've been missing, but alas. Beggars can't be choosers. (Really cannot wait to have a pantry again, though! Should have made sure that box was ticked before applying...)
I've already started doing the menial cleaning jobs, in the hopes it will make the final clean much easier. And I've packed most of the things we won't need for the next two weeks. It's been fun, and I'm grateful for Victoria's crappy cool weather! Making this so easy! (Will probably be a heatwave the weekend we actually move, lol!) I like cleaning and organising. It makes me feel good. And whilst I don't hoard, gosh I'm loving the excuse to cull unnecessary items! So freeing!
The downside to moving two weeks before Christmas? Being the kind of person who puts their tree up mid November, I've had to refrain from assembling it until we move. So instead of enjoying it for over a month, we'll be lucky to get two weeks out of it! Not even, seeing as we're off to Queensland a couple of days before Christmas. This makes me so sad! But at least putting the tree up in the new place will make it more homey quicker. Hopefully Spawn will settle in easily enough knowing that's where Christmas is! Hopefully.....

But yes. Packing. Packing sucks. Sure, it has its perks. But knowing I'm doing all this packing, only to have to unpack in a couple of weeks.... Not feeling it. Not at all.
At least I get a holiday a week later though. Need to remind myself of that lol.

Eh. Enough rambling! I attached a photo that shows an example of an afternoon's work. 😂 Talk soon, crazies.

Peace out.

- L. x

Potato Salad

I love my potato salad. I used to love it as a kid, but as I got older, I got fussy and stopped liking things from jars. Don't know what it was, it just tasted different. Preservativey maybe? (Yes, that's a word now!)
Anyway, I tried for ages to find a sauce I liked! Then one day I googled recipes. Low and behold, it's actually easy to make from scratch! So I found a couple of recipes that appealed to me, and eventually combined a couple to make the perfect potato salad - for me.

So here is the recipe! I'm not the only one who likes it; I always get asked to take it to barbecues lol.

INGREDIENTS:
1kg potatoes, peeled and chopped into approx. 1cm cubes.
150g bacon, diced (optional)
45g sour cream
70g whole egg mayonnaise (with these two, I basically do 1 part cream to 2 parts mayo, but when I first nailed it, these were the measurements I went with)
1 tablespoon capers, drained
3 spring onions, finely sliced
1/4 fresh dill, or 2 tbspn (approx) of jarred dill
2 tspn salt
1 tspn pepper

METHOD:
Place potatoes in large saucepan and fill with water. Cook over med-high (more high) heat for 20 mins, then drain and put aside to cool.
Cook bacon in frying pan until crispy, then place on paper towel to soak up oil.
In a large bowl, combine onion, dill, capers, bacon, sour cream, mayo, salt & pepper, and mix well. Add cooled potatoes and gently stir to combine.
Serve immediately, or cover and store in fridge until needed.
Not sure how long it lasts, but two days later it's still good for leftovers! :)

Enjoy!

- L. x

House Hunting.

Why must it be so tedious?!
Actually, I take that back. I kind of enjoy house hunting. What I dislike is finding a house that meets our needs, that fits within our budget! There's always that one flaw. The one that turns you away....
Case in point: I inspected a property yesterday and it was in a good location, reasonably priced, a good size, plenty of parking (not so relevant for my loner self, but hey, gotta love an optimist!) and it even had a bath.
Downfall? There was a dog in the courtyard that had virtually destroyed the area. The oven was dated. As was the shower - almost to an, 'is this gross?' point. Hmph. NEXT....maybe.

You see, I cannot really be that picky, as affordable houses in my area are scarce as hen's teeth. Plus, I want to move before Christmas, because I'm kind of crazy. So I need to find a place right now!
I have a couple more to inspect tomorrow morning. I love how most rental inspections are grouped together on Saturday mornings - because nobody has anything better to do with their Saturday, right?! LOL. Ughhhh.
Anyway, I'm silently hoping one of them is decent. I want to know I'm moving already! I need to prepare for the move. Start packing. Organise things by room/necessity/trash. Ahhh, the life of an overly-organised freak, LOL.

Don't even get me started on the paperwork. Excuse me, real estate? Are you sure you wouldn't like my soul with that..?

So that's me, right now. Busy busy! Planning for our holiday, planning for our move, taking Spawn to a million appointments... I'm not kidding when I say my calender is CHOCKERS. It really is!!! Exhausting, this mum business.

Peace out.

- L. x

Depression Quote.

It is important not to suppress your feelings altogether when you are depressed. It is equally important to avoid terrible arguments or expressions of outrage. You should steer clear of emotionally damaging behavior. People forgive, but it is best not to stir things up to the point at which forgiveness is required. When you are depressed, you need the love of other people, and yet depression fosters actions that destroy that love. Depressed people often stick pins into their own life rafts. The conscious mind can intervene. One is not helpless.

- Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon; An Atlas of Depression.

Peace out.

- L. x

It's (almost) Summer, Therefore It's ICYPOLE TIME!

So there was a thing in my son's school newsletter requesting icypole recipes. Being the healthy mum that I am (where Spawn is concerned, at least) I obviously have a million icypole recipes on hand! Decided I'd share the same recipes with my readers (if I even have any? Are you out there? Or do I constantly talk to myself?? - this I KNOW I do!!)

So here you go. Enjoy, fellow crazies. Obviously, all of these recipes are not my own. Some are, but regrettably, I'm not always that creative!

-         Each recipe makes approx. 4 ice blocks.

PINA COLADA

**A great creamy, icy treat for those hot summer days when you want creamy without the dairy!**

2 bananas

200g mango (approx.)

130g pineapple (approx.)

200ml coconut milk

·         Put all ingredients into blender and blend until smooth, before pouring into moulds and freezing for 4-6 hours. (also great as a smoothie!)

WATERMELON

¼ watermelon

·         Cut watermelon into manageable wedges, stick a paddlepop stick into the skin and freeze for a few hours. Quick, easy and delicious!

You could also blend the watermelon and freeze in moulds for something a little fancy.

STRAWBERRY & MANGO

1 mango

1 lime, juiced

½ cup water or coconut milk

½ cup chopped strawberries (into smallish pieces)

·         Blend mango with lime juice and water/milk until smooth, then put strawberries in and mix it around a little (do not blend!) before pouring into moulds. Freeze for 6 hours/overnight.

COMPLEX RAINBOW GOODNESS

**these are time consuming, so best made in advance!**

Punnet of blueberries

3-4 kiwi fruit

Pineapple

Orange juice

¼ watermelon

·         Puree fruits and then pour some of the fruit into each mould and freeze for 30 mins or so, then add next colour to make a rainbow, starting with blue/purple. With the orange juice, freeze for longer before adding watermelon, and then freeze overnight.

STRAWBERRY, BANANA & COCONUT

Punnet of strawberries (250g)

1 banana

½ cup coconut milk

(optional) white chia seeds

·         Blend ingredients and pour into moulds, then freeze for 3-4 hours.

Peace out.

- L. x

Thirty-something.

At what point did someone decide that a person's 30s would be mysterious? I don't find myself at the point of saying "thirty-something" just yet, but feel it's inevitable.
Why are a person's 20s so specific? "Oh, you're 29?! That's the best age." Don't ever mention a specific 30s number above 30 though. Oh no, do that and you may as well request your death certificate right now.

People are so funny. I'm kind of over the idea of being in my 30s. Maybe when I'm "thirty-something" life wilel be different, but for now, yay. Life! Age is but a number and I feel so stupid for getting so worked up over turning 30. I'm going to rock my 30s so hard!

I've decided to rediscover myself. I've been 'Spawn's Mum' for so long that I cannot remember who I really am. Obviously I am Spawn's Mum, but I'm also me. I have my own personality, interests, hobbies, dislikes....
I don't think I ever truly knew who I was, to be honest. I always thought I was real, and didn't pretend to be someone I'm not. But looking back, I realise I kind of was. I conformed to what I thought those around me wanted. I suppressed aspects of who I am to suit the people around me. 

To be honest, I think somewhere along the way, that became the reason I lost myself. I developed so many "personalities" that I forgot who I really was. What my entire personality was like. What aspects of myself conflicted with other aspects to make me interesting. Why people loved me, and why people hated me. Why so many people envied me.
...envy. There's a feeling nobody has had towards me in a long time. Why would anyone envy a person who doesn't know who she is? I sure as hell wouldn't. But one day, they will. Because I know that deep down, I'm effing amazing.
And it's time it came to the surface! So to kick things off, I'm dying my hair a crazy, vibrant colour! A colour that will remind me that I really don't care what others think of me. That I'm not afraid to be myself. That I'm strong, brave and fierce. RAWR.

These have been the ramblings of a deranged mind. Thank you for reading.

Peace out.
- L. x

P.S. I apologise for any crazy typos. I got a new phone and it hasn't figured out how I type yet. It actually predicts text in a way in which a 2 year old would use it. Ridiculous.
As many of you know, I don't reread my posts, ever. Unless they're recipes, because I have to make sure those make sense. But seeing my inner thoughts on a screen for all to see? Well that makes me feel a little, dare I say, vulnerable. So I apologise for that. :)

Kahlua Chocolate Ripple Cake

So, three things are true.
1. I am Australian.
2. I love chocolate ripple cake.
3. I had never made chocolate ripple cake until I made this.

I feel like it's my birthright to have already made this in my 30 years of living, but I guess I'm a backwards kind of Aussie. Blame the British blood in my veins.

It was my birthday two weeks ago, but I was in super denial, so refused to celebrate it. As such, I had no cake! A couple of days later, I realised I really wanted something sweet and had seen this floating on Facebook, so decided it would be my belated birthday cake!
The hardest part was remembering to go down the biscuit aisle at the supermarket; something I almost never do... 

Obviously, I had kahlua. Anyone would think I'm an alcoholic if they saw my stash of alcohol. If only they knew how long I'd had some of the bottles, haha.

So here we go! Like I've said before, I don't measure stuff. With alcohol however, I'm a really good estimator, courtesy of the years I spent working with it! You could add less kahlua, mix it for a second and taste to see if it's right for you. I'm weak and didn't want it too strong, but did really notice the presence of kahlua as I was licking the beater at the end....

INGREDIENTS:
100ml Kahlua (approx)
250ml thickened cream
1 packet chocolate ripple biscuits (or any solid chocolate biscuit/cookie)

METHOD:
Pour the cream and kahlua into a mixing bowl and beat until whipped; a couple of minutes or so. You want that slightly stiff look, but you don't want it starting to resemble meringue. Do not over whip, as it eventually goes all weird and gross, which would be a bad thing considering the cake needs to sit for a few hours to become flavoursome and amazing.
If doing the traditional log shape, find a suitable size serving plate and spread a small amount of cream where the biscuits will go.
Grab a biscuit, dollop about a tablespoon of cream on one side, then place another biscuit on top and squeeze slightly to spread the cream relatively evenly.
Repeat the process until you have enough to put them on the plate and have them supporting each other and repeat until you have run out of biscuits.
With the remaining cream, evenly cover the outside of the biscuits, then cover and refrigerate.
I had a small amount of cream remaining which could be used to put a second layer of cream on the outside to have it looking fresh for presenting. The cream does discolour slightly courtesy of the kahlua.

To serve, slice into it like you would any log cake!

Enjoy.

- L. x

P.S. As an aside, you could substitute the kahlua for another. I plan on using cointreau next time. Yummy. :)

Cauliflower Cheese

Oh, my gosh.
So cauliflower is super cheap at the moment and Spawn loves the stuff, so I bought one with the intention of giving him cauliflower cheese for days as it's not my favourite thing. (As a side with other meals, mostly)
Then I started getting everything ready and realised I didn't have enough butter for the roux. Oh no, what can I do?!!! It's too late for a backup plan and Spawn had his heart set on cauliflower cheese. Then I remembered I had garlic butter in the fridge, so substituted that to make up the required butter..... AND I INADVERTENTLY MADE THE BEST CHEESE SAUCE OF MY LIFE!

Also, I felt it necessary to share that Spawn just declared this, in a rather loud voice, "the best meal ever!" I love how easy to please he can be at times.

INGREDIENTS:
1 cauliflower, florets chopped into manageable pieces
35g plain butter
15g garlic butter
45g plain flour
300ml milk
Pinch nutmeg
1 tspn dijon mustard
Salt & pepper, to season
150g (approx) grated cheese - I used pizza blend as it's all I had and it worked well! You could use whatever tickles your fancy.

METHOD:
Preheat oven to 220.
Cook cauliflower in salted boiling water for 10-15 minutes, until just tender. Strain in colander and put into a greased baking dish.
Put flour and butter into the saucepan over medium heat and whisk until butter has melted and the mixture is starting to bubble. Add the milk, nutmeg, mustard, salt & pepper and whisk to combine, then add 100g (approx; I added a giant handful as I suck at measuring things!) grated cheese and whisk to combine. Cook for one minute then pour the sauce over the cauliflower and sprinkle with grated cheese.
Place into the oven for 15 minutes, or until cheese is golden and bubbly.

You could serve this as a meal on its own, or as a side with, well anything really.

Enjoy!

- L. x

I Quit.

So who do I tender my resignation to?

Worst week of my life.
Started with my birthday on Monday. Didn't get a single phone call, present, or even a card. The only people who sang 'happy birthday' to me were the mums at Spawn's school, even though I told them to stop as so many people had screamed it at me already.

Yeah, I lied.
But who wouldn't when, on your 30th birthday, not even your PARENTS call to wish you happy birthday or console you on officially becoming old. Sure, they sent me generic "happy 30th birthday" texts, but they'd probably do the same for their neighbour they never speak to. I'm their firstborn. Their only daughter. WHAT. THE FUCK?!

So, that was the start of the shit. I ended up getting cards from my dad on Tuesday, along with a gift card. Yes, multiple cards from my dad, because he couldn't decide between humorous and sappy, apparently. And the local MP sent me best wishes as well. Also arrived on Tuesday. So Tuesday was okay. Until I picked Spawn up from school.
I don't know what it is with him lately, but he's killing my soul. Every day he breaks something or intentionally defies me in a serious way.

Hence my wanting to resign. I don't want to be a parent anymore. How can you successfully raise a child you go through periods of loathing? Yes, I occasionally loathe my own child. Does that make me a bad person?

I cannot stand that he is obnoxiously loud when he awakes around 5am. I cannot stand how asking him to be quiet results in him getting louder. I cannot stand the way he needs to destroy all my things. I loathe the way he shuts me down when I'm trying to parent him. I loathe that I have to threaten violence in order to get him to JUST. FUCKING. STOP. BREAKING. MY. HEART.
I fucking hate it. So much.

I hate that he makes me cry and question my ability to parent. I hate that my family is so unsupportive. I hate that the day before my birthday - a day I believe to be cursed, by the way - my dad calls me and tells me about his prostate tests coming back bad and therefore he's scared he has prostate cancer (he's since been cleared). I hate that in that same phone call, he tells me that he won't buy a house in the vicinity of where I live because he thinks I'll drop Spawn off on him all the time. HELLO?! Have I ever even asked you to ever babysit him?! I don't even trust my father to be around Spawn alone as his temper is worse than mine, but at least I have the advantage of understanding Spawn's quirks. THAT FUCKING PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH. Like, you can't even imagine. When the fuck did I ever give the impression that I dump my kid on people so I can go out and do my own thing all the time?? I have never done this! The only reason Spawn had had regular sleepovers at nanny's was because I needed a night to peacefully catch up on uni homework. FOR ONE SEMESTER.

Fuck you, Dad. That comment, along with your further insistence that I am that kind of parent when I tried to convince you otherwise......well, that cut me so deep. Good luck spending any time at all with Spawn when you move down here.
Particularly if the Sepo is coming back to Australia. Pfft. Like I want a sneaky bitch like her around my son on a regular basis?!! This woman claims to be such an angel, yet she would sneakily eat take away (she was supposed to be on a diet) when she thought nobody was looking. Then she racked up tens of thousands in gambling debt?!!!! Get fucked. No way.

Also, I apologise for my foul language. It helps me to express myself when I am particularly enraged. Haha.

So it's Thursday, right? What else has happened?
A whole container of cereal was thrown around the living room yesterday morning. That was fun. Made Spawn clean that up himself.
Countless toys have been thrown out.
My tablet has been broken and subsequently awaits its demise into the trash.
A plastic chair was broken last night.
Spawn has taken things that do not belong to him on the assumption that mummy doesn't share and needs to share her things.
One of my relaxing colouring books was destroyed as a result.
A dvd was broken. Yeah, he broke the actual disc. WHAT?!
My sanity has left the building. I no longer care. At all.
Spawn has spent yesterday and today home sick from school. On the last week before school holidays. The holidays I planned on making super fun. Instead, I'm going to go to bunnings and buy a lock for Spawn's bedroom so he can't destroy the house while I sleep. Because he IS Spawn; son of the fucking devil.

That'll do. No peace out today, there is no peace.

- L. x

As an aside, how awesome are the new snapchat features?! :)

Life is Curious.

Do you ever have one of those days where you wish you weren't a parent?

For me, entering parenthood was an unexpected surprise. It wasn't something I saw happening without intervention from a third party. As such, I always thought that if I did become a mum, it would be when I was ready for it; when I had a house of my own, a stable career, supportive partner, all those things conducive to having the stereotypical "happy family."
However, life works in mysterious ways and I entered parenthood 10 years earlier than my perfect life plan predicted, with none of the aforementioned things.

So here I am. Sulking. 5ish days until my 30th birthday, and I find myself constantly wondering what life would have been like if I weren't a mother. Would I have savings? A house? Thousands of memories revolving around my European travels, and then other places my dreams urge me to explore? Would I have a settled career? And in what field? Would I still have pursued law if I didn't grow up and become a mum? Or would I have pursued aviation? Hotel management? Tourism?

All of these "what if's" are doing my head in!!!! I love being a mum. It's super rewarding. But I no longer know who I am besides "Spawn's Mum". Do I still want to live and work in Europe? Am I still an adrenaline junkie? Do I like to go out dancing? Am I still a perpetually happy lass?

I don't even know. I know I'm really good at remembering appointments. Really good at cooking repetitive meals. Fantastic at yelling, and PHENOMENAL with craving alcohol. Great at being antisocial, albeit unwillingly.
I can budget, deliver wicked seemingly win/win ultimatums and teach basic math, science and English. I can understand complex medical assessments. I know that a mistakenly 'hypo' child would be a dreamlike state of bliss for any parent, whilst 'hyper' would make any parent pine for wine.

Yet I don't know who I am.
I don't own a house. Nor will I in the near future.
I don't have a job, let alone a career. (Although I do have a possible career path should Spawn become less demanding to the point where I can return to work.) If I do return to work, I will be a 30 something single parent to a high needs child, with extensive experience in hospitality, but not much else.
Sometimes I can't remember how to smile or make basic conversation.
I sometimes think about my life and burst into tears. What have I done?! Why am I in this pit of depression with no way out?

What the fuck did I do to deserve this life?! Gosh. I must have put SO MUCH karma into the world.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
I had a meeting with Spawn's teachers yesterday. It was a great meeting where great basic goals were set. However, one goal made me laugh - it relates to Spawn's need to defy his elders and have his way or no way. This goal will take years to achieve, no doubt. But this one sentence stuck in my mind.... "You won't see the light at the end of the tunnel for awhile....." She went on to say that it will eventually happen, but this is my life! I feel like I'm in this huge tunnel and have come so far that I can't see light when I look back at the way I came, yet I'm not even close enough to the end to get a slight glimpse of light at that end either.

Perpetual darkness.

This is me.

Forever.

It gets better, right?
Easier?
Manageable?
Happier?

I need red wine and chocolate.
Which reminds me; I need to go buy myself a birthday present. Don't think anyone else will get me anything.
PITY PARTY FOR ONE, PLEASE!

Peace out, and thanks for reading. I know I can be super depressing at times, so if you made it this far, you're effing amazing. *hugs*

- L. x

Crazy Tasty New Things.

I like trying new things. I like to think of it as a perk of being an overly curious person.
As a result, I found myself grabbing a tub of gaytime icecream during my woolies shop this morning. Then I saw banana m&m's - WHAT?! Of course I grabbed a packet of those too. And then I made the mistake of walking down the junk food aisle. So I grabbed the orange mars bar to try as well. For science, I told myself. *snort*

Obviously, I grabbed the more healthier items I needed as well, but the Woolworths lady who served me thought it appropriate to assume that because a decent portion of my items were chocolate, I must have PMS. Holy moly, when she made that comment I nearly raged. Possibly because I do have PMS, but mostly because that wasn't the reason for my purchasing the aforementioned chocolate items. I don't often crave chocolate when I have PMS; I'm more of a pineapple and strawberry addict.

Anyway, I digress. Something I'm good at, apparently.
Here lies my review of the fancy new products I bought to try.

Mars Bar brownie
Okay, so mars bars rock - no doubt about it. But this? This did not. It was like a chocolate overload, to the point where I has to eat some rye bread in the hope it would prevent me from throwing up. In a bittersweet move, it worked and so the cursed mars bar is still in my digestive system. Yay.
TONE DOWN THE SUGAR CONTENT, MARS.

Banana m&m's
I'm more of a crispy m&m lover, so off the bat, my review of these is going to be a little bias, but here we go.

Okay, these aren't bad! You definitely couldn't eat too many at once as they're a little on the 'too sweet' side, but they're tasty! I think they'd be okay as an accessory to popcorn. The saltiness might dilute the sweetness a little. Then they'd be yummy. So yummy.

Peters Golden Gaytime icecream
I'm a tad fussy with my icecream, so this will be interesting. I enjoy a Golden Gaytime on occasion, but they're definitely not my favourite icecream. Give me Weiss sorbet any day. 

On first look, the icecream looks ..meh. I cannot think of a better fitting adjective; apologies. Taste wise, it's not bad. It has that distinctive golden gaytime flavour, albeit a little mild. The biscuit pieces remind me of the stale biscuits that get forgotten about. They're okay, but I wouldn't get upset if they went missing. Overall, this icecream is okay. I wouldn't write home about it, nor would I buy it again. But it will be a welcome treat for Spawn, who doesn't get 'naughty food' very often! 

In conclusion, to loosely quote a certain badass (looking at you, Green Arrow), these companies have failed my taste buds. I'll stick with what I know, for now.

Peace out.

- L. x

Baked Beans

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel
So have baked beans for every meal!

Ahh, hello youth. We meet again.
So I don't actually like baked beans - something about the texture grosses me out, I think. (I only say this because they're similar to peas and I LOATHE peas!) However, Spawn loves them. Probably because they're gas inducing and well, he's a boy. He lives to toot. Charming little turd he is.

This recipe is not my own, but I have tweaked it a little to suit our tastes. I was hoping that if I tweaked the recipe a little, I might just like these beans! And what do you know, I DO like these beans. I do, I do, I do!
This tells me it may not be the texture after all. Or maybe it's just the texture of tinned baked beans. These beans are different, I think. I'm not entirely sure, but I'm not committed enough to confirm my thoughts either way.

INGREDIENTS:
4 cans cannellini beans
1 can crushed tomatoes
1 can tomato soup (Big Red is best, duh)
1 onion, diced finely
8 pieces shortcut bacon, diced
1 clove garlic, crushed
2 tbspn Worcestershire sauce
Approx 1 tspn Frank's hot sauce (or 8 drops tabasco sauce)

METHOD:
Rinse the beans then put all ingredients in slow cooker and cook on low for roughly four hours, stirring occasionally.

I intend on freezing a couple of servings of these for Spawn to eat on lazy days, and suspect they'd freeze okay for up to 1 month.

Enjoy!

- L. x

Dear Inventor of the Electric Blanket.

There are many times throughout winter where I send a silent praise to you, however this year, I'm sending thanks to you directly. Or possibly your family, depending on when the electric blanket was invented.

Actually, I feel I need to research this topic further before continuing. I also need to close my eyes and enjoy the warmth this glorious blanket is encasing me in on this cold, winter night.

So, the first electric blanket was invented in 1912 by American, Sidney I. Russell. Typically, an 'electric blanket' by American standards is a blanket that goes on top of your top sheet, but the blanket invented by Mr Russell was the 'electric blanket' us Australians (and other Commonwealth countries) know. Aka, the type that goes under the fitted sheet and warms from below.

Mmm, warmth.
Whilst I started writing this in the warm depths of electric blanket bliss, I am currently coming to you from my not-so cosy couch, waiting do Spawn to stop sooking and get ready for his shower. (Because who can be bothered arguing? I'm over it today!)

I digressed, majorly.
To the family of Mr Sidney Russell; thank you. Thank you for having an amazing father/grandfather/great-grandfather/uncle/etc. Thank you to Mr Russell's parents (may they RIP) for raising a man who would come to bring joy to SO MANY PEOPLE. Such a simple joy, but joy nonetheless.

Peace out, fellow toasty crazies.

- L. x

Holy God in Heaven. [Churro Popcorn]

Get in my mouth.

I did a thing. I was googling random snack ideas yesterday and ended up on the topic of popcorn. Spawn LOVES popcorn. I'd almost say his obsession is borderline unhealthy, but he's not quite that bad, and he does enjoy it straight out of the popcorn popper thing.
Maker.
Popcorn maker.

Wait, where was I?

Right, popcorn. School snacks.
Anyway, Americans are crazy and do the weirdest things to the simplest of foods. Some are too bizarre for my lowly Australian self to comprehend, whilst others leave me with an, 'OMIGODINEEDTHATINMYMOUTHBEFOREIDIE!' face. I love that face.

Who loves churros? Who loves popcorn? Who loves cinnamony goodness? Who loves the idea of combining this into one orgasmic snack?!
Thought so. Me too, my friend. Me too.

So here we go. Churro popcorn!
This will be a little more complex for us Aussies as opposed to the lucky Americans, as we have to make our own cinnamon chips. But it's okay; they keep for ages and you'll inevitably use them in everything anyway.
Muahahahaha.

Cinnamon Chips!
INGREDIENTS:
2/3 cup sugar
3 tbspn ground cinnamon
2 tbspn vegetable shortening (could possibly use copha; not sure??)
2 tbspn light corn syrup
1/4 tspn vanilla extract - optional

METHOD:
Preheat oven to 95c. Line baking trap with baking paper and spray liberally with oil.
In a medium sized bowl, combine all ingredients until they have come together and are crumbly.
Spread onto baking paper using a spatula, shaping into a rough rectangular shape, about 5 mm thick.
Put in oven for 35 minutes, or until it is bubbly. You do not want it to crisp in the oven, it will do so when it cools.
Allow to cool completely and then chop into small square chips.
Store in an airtight container.

Well, there's one part done. Now for the fun part! POPCORRRRN!

Churro Popcorn.
INGREDIENTS:
6 cups popped popcorn
1/2 cup cinnamon chips, melted
2 tbspn caster sugar
2 tbspn sugar
1 tspn cinnamon

METHOD:
In a small bowl, combine powdered sugar, sugar, and cinnamon.
In a large bowl, drizzle the melted cinnamon chips over the popcorn. Toss to coat and then immediately sprinkle sugar mixture over popcorn. Toss again to coat.
Allow the popcorn cool completely before serving. Store in an airtight container.

I got this recipe from here.
http://www.melissas-cuisine.com/2012/04/churro-popcorn.html?m=1

Enjoy, fellow crazies! I know I have.

- L. x

Have You Ever?

Ever felt like this?
Have strange things happened?
Are you going round the twist?

Hahahaha. I didn't mean to go there, but sometimes it just happens when I think 'have you ever'. 90s Aussie kid life, I suppose.

So anyway, I've imposed a Facebook ban on myself. Today is day one so it hasn't really been too difficult, as yet. Feels weird to not see the pretty blue app on my phone's homescreen though. Nor to constantly receive Facebook notifications. I like it!

I'm hoping to reacquaint myself with the real world. Not that I'm not a part of it WITH Facebook; I just find myself checking Facebook on my phone when I could be embracing the sunshine at the park, or talking to mums whilst I wait to pick Spawn up from school. The little things. I miss those. I often wonder what life will be like for Spawn in the future; the way technology is going at the moment makes me wonder if everyone will live dormant in little pods, a la Matrix style. Sad thoughts, sad thoughts indeed.

So I'm going to show Spawn that I don't need my phone permanently attached to my hand. I don't want him growing up wondering if I somehow have the phone attached to my anatomy. I REFUSE TO BE THAT MUM.

Here I am. Hahahah. It's starting to get hard. For those of you who don't know, I have a couple of really awesome support groups on Facebook. Groups that help me maintain sanity when I feel all is lost in this world. Groups that make me realise I'm not alone when I wonder how I'm going to continue raising Spawn for the next 12+ years. Lord help me, that IS a scary thought. Spawn will be 18 in 12 years!!! YIKES!

I haven't lost my sanity yet. Sundays are a chill day here, so Spawn and I have been chilling. I'm just on here looking for recipes for school lunch snacks so we can spend the afternoon in the kitchen. Well, I will. Spawn will come and go as he pleases, in true male fashion. ;)

Peace out.

- L. x

Chocolate Cupcakes

Makes approx 18.

INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 cups plain flour
1 cup sugar
1 tspn baking soda
1 tspn salt
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup water
1 tspn vanilla extract
1 tbspn white vinegar

METHOD:
Preheat oven to 170. Line cupcake tin with patty cases.
Combine dry ingredients in a large bowl, then make a well and add rest of ingredients. Mix to combine then beat for two minutes on medium.
Evenly divide mix between cases and bake for 20 minutes, or until cupcakes spring back when lightly pressed in the middle.
Allow to cool completely before icing.

Yes, I'm THAT Mum.

Do you remember what it was like when your first born was a baby and you had all these plans? Whether it was making tentative plans to send your child to a private school, being the doting parent who attends all your child's extra curricular activities, to being the parent who would *NEVER* let their child cry it out in their bedroom?

I was the parent who would ensure my son didn't watch TV as long as the sun was shining. If his behaviour turned out of control (my brother had ADD), I would never consider medicating him.
Not that I'm against those who do these things; it just wasn't an upbringing I wanted my perfect child to experience.

Hahahaha. Ohh, naive new mum L, you were so cute and innocent!

I did okay with my plan to minimise the television Spawn watched - he didn't really watch TV at all until he was 18 months old. And even then, he was limited in his exposure towards it until he was at least 2. Now, however? Our TV is always on ABC Kids whenever Spawn is home (unless he has a movie on upstairs), even though it isn't always being watched. Take today for example; the sun is shining, it's relatively warm for a mid-winter afternoon, and Spawn has come home from school early, like he does every Wednesday and Thursday. He is currently glued to the television whilst I sit on the couch. Neither of us are absorbing any of that glorious vitamin D - and I'm okay with that!

Anyway, I completely digressed from my reason for blogging today!
Yesterday during our paed appointment, it was decided that Spawn would trial medication to help with his anxiety. So now he is not only on Ritalin, which has a bad stigma on its own, but he is also on a medication commonly referred to as Prozac. Yup, my almost 6 year old is on Prozac.

The decision to give him that half a tablet this morning was most definitely NOT made lightly. In fact, I think it's one of the hardest decisions I've made to date as a parent. I filled the description with the thoughts of, 'the pediatrician knows what he's doing' and, 'calming Spawn will help him do better at school and become more confident in his abilities' - because let's face it, dealing with anxiety doesn't really help ones confidence.

Even so, I struggled with the idea of actually having Spawn take the pill. Until a glorious friend (you know who you are!) reminded me on a Facebook status of the main point behind all of this: "anxiety is just another medical condition that can respond to treatment."

Which brings us to now. Spawn was noticeably calmer at school this morning. After his first half a tablet. Not sure if it's because of the Prozac, or merely because he self-settled, but either way, I no longer regret my decision to trial Spawn on it.

Have faith in yourselves, fellow parents. None of us make decisions regarding our children lightly, and we shouldn't be made to feel like bad parents if our decisions don't conform with the 'norms' of society.

Love to all.

- L. x

Beef Lasagne

I LOVE lasagne. All the variations of it too, depending on my mood. However, whenever I make it, I always wing it when it comes to the contents! So my own lasagne is amazing one day, mediocre the next. Such a pain! (I do this with several meals, to be honest!)

So I've started writing recipes down as I go, then saving them if they're amazing. That way, I may never make another meal the same, but others can enjoy my success! ;)

INGREDIENTS:
1 tbspn olive oil
500g beef mince
2 small carrots, diced
150g bacon, diced
1 brown onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, dic....crushed (lol)
1 cup beef stock (or red wine!)
700g jar of passata (I used a little less - didn't have quite a full jar)
1/3 cup water
1 cup pizza blend cheese (or mozzarella/parmesan blend)
6-8 instant lasagne sheets (approx)
White sauce:
90g butter
1/2 cup plain flour
3 cups milk

METHOD:
Preheat large saucepan over medium-high heat with oil. Add 'vegetables' and bacon, and cook for 6-7 minutes, until softened. Add mince and cook for 2-3 minutes, until slightly browned.
Add stock and simmer for 2 minutes, then add passata and water, bringing to boil before reducing heat to medium-low and simmering for an hour. Stir occasionally.

To make white sauce, melt butter in a saucepan over med-high, then add flour and whisk until it starts bubbling. Remove from heat and gradually add milk, ensuring it's well combined between additions. Return to heat and whisk constantly until sauce begins to boil. Remove from heat.

Preheat oven to 180 and lightly grease dish (whatever you want to cook your lasagne in), then place lasagne sheets to cover bottom. Try not to overlap too much.
Add half the beef mixture, half the sauce, then place another layer of pasta. Add beef, then pasta, then top off with rest of sauce. Sprinkle with cheese then cover with foil and place in oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil then return to oven for 10 minutes, until cheese is golden.
Allow to stand for a few minutes before serving. Great with chips, salad, roasted buttery corn cobs.... everything really. :)

Enjoy!

- L. x

Always Keep Fighting.

No matter what.

Life isn't meant to be easy. It shouldn't be this hard either, but one thing I have learnt recently is that as long as I'm fighting, everything is worth it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.
Take the good with the bad.
Stars cannot shine without darkness.
A bad day is a lesson for another day.
If every day were easy, no day would be spectacular.
Determination is the key to success.

For I believe in happily ever after, and I will not stop until I get there.

Peace out.

- L. x

Wholemeal Banana Berry Muffins

As the school holidays come to an end, it's time to make snacks for Spawn's lunches! I'm not sure how these will go being frozen, but they're yummy enough that they should be okay either way!

INGREDIENTS:
2 cups wholemeal flour
2 tspn baking powder
1/2 tspn baking soda
1/2 cup self-raising flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tspn ground cinnamon
1 tspn vanilla extract
1 egg
1 cup blueberry yoghurt
1/2 cup milk (or just use 1 3/4 cups blueberry yoghurt - I used what I have as this polar blast is intense and I'm NOT leaving the house lol)
1 cup mashed ripe banana  (2 approx)
1/4 cup olive oil
1 cup frozen blueberries

METHOD:
Preheat oven to 190 degrees and put patty cases in muffin tin.
Combine all dry ingredients in a large bowl, then make a well and add all other ingredients, except blueberries. Stir until combined, but do not overwork.
You can either gently fold through blueberries now, or place them on top once mix is in cases. I did half and half - I love the smushy berries on top!
Fill the cases 2/3, then put into preheated oven for 20 minutes. Makes between 12-18 muffins, depending on how generous you are.

If freezing, do not do so until they have cooled completely. Otherwise they may go soggy and bleh.

Enjoy!

- L. x

Taco Soup.

This is a take on some American thing. I made it a little healthier, as well as tastier! It's basically nachos with beefed up taco filling. So good!

INGREDIENTS:
500g beef mince
1 brown onion, diced
Olive oil
1 sachet taco seasoning
400g tin diced tomatoes
400g tin four bean mix
1 tin sweet corn kernels
Passata - err, about a cup?
Plain corn chips
Sour cream
Grated cheese

Heat oil in large saucepan over medium heat, then add onion and cook until softened. Add mince and cook until browned, then add all other ingredients and stir to combine. Add enough passata until you have desired consistency. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 15 minutes.
To serve, put soup into bowl and top with grated cheese and sour cream, with corn chips on the side for dipping.

Enjoy!

L. x

The End is Nigh.

Oh, my gosh.

These holidays have been a blast! However, I am more than ready for Spawn to return to school! His need to defy everything I ask him to do has my hair turning greyer than ever before.... So tragic. I am officially at the stage where I will be dying my hair for the rest of my life. :(

Recap of the holiday activities we have partaken:
- zoo. This was fun, until Spawn decided to meltdown and run around making himself trip - what is with that??? I need to bring this up with the paed at our next appointment. It does my head in to no end!
- craft activities. These have been my saviour, without a doubt! I stocked up on a bunch of Naplan style math workbooks, and bribe Spawn to behave in order to get one. *snickers* Bribery is an amazing tool.
- baking. Didn't do as much of this as I thought we would, but Spawn did enjoy making a strawberry cake, then making a strawberry puree to put on top. Neighbours were very appreciative of our efforts!
- Sovereign Hill. This was our last day out for the holidays (apart from the trip to the shopping centre the following day, which resulted in disaster [details to come!]) and a lot of fun! I hadn't been to Sovereign Hill in a REALLY long time and it was amazing how little it had changed, yet how different it looks from an adult's perspective. Spawn had fun doing the mine tours and panning for gold, and now has a new obsession with all things gold related. Love the obsessive mentality of his mind. He truly is incapable of doing anything by halves! He also met a little girl and his impulsive nature meant he had no problem straight up asking her for her number! (she would have been around 4) This little girl then came up and casually put her arm around him. It was so adorable! I love the innocence of kids. So pure and untainted. :)

During the holidays, I have tried implementing new techniques to prevent angry outbursts from the little devil spawn, however few methods seem to work. I know that you have to give things time to sink in, but when you're trying to calm an aggressive child down and he gets significantly worse - well, this does not call for a fun time. I feel like all we're doing in going in circles, with no sane way out. The calm bottle however, is an AMAZING thing. It actually works, if I get Spawn to play with it before his temper fully kicks in. Loving it immensely!

On the topic of sanity; I officially lost mine yesterday. We went to the shopping centre to buy groceries and a new board game to play over the quiet weekend to come, and Spawn went ballistic, trying to destroy things in the centre!!! Not so much embarrassing, as I find myself being able to ignore most of the stares, but definitely depressing. Am so grateful that my mum was in the area and able to take him for the day - it worries me what could have happened if he had stayed with me. :/
Chocolate swirled brioche and red wine definitely helped me a little though. I found my sanity at the bottom of the bottle - yay. :)

I find myself a little scared at the prospect of Spawn returning to school. I'm getting to the point where I want to drop him off, then turn my phone off and not worry about anything until I pick him up at 3:30. All the phone calls and face-to-face conversations are so taxing! I am so grateful that Spawn's teachers are understanding and try to keep him in line, but him being sent home really doesn't help our situation. He comes home so ANGRY - at me mostly - that I dread it. 100%, no doubt about it. Don't want it to happen!!

Ah well. If I were a believer of God, I would be SO upset at the idea of him believing I am worthy of such a child. Just once, I'd love for something to happen in my life that wasn't so... demanding? Painful? Intense? Hard?
Just give me easy, please? Just ONE thing. I don't ask for much, do i?

Peace out.

- L. x

School Holidays.

'school holiday' - adjective. a phenomenon that occurs four times a year once a person has children of school age. Known for sending many a parent to the crazy house, or to consume excessive amounts of alcohol. **BEWARE**

I may or may not be entering this winter holiday period with a little trepidation. Originally, I planned to drive to the Alpine region for a few days, and make day trips to the smaller mountains. But then my mother called and mentioned sale flights, so I ended up purchasing things to go with our Christmas holiday and now need to budget like a pro in order to have enough cash to have a little fun at Christmas time. YAY! At least the flights are paid for - thanks parentals! ;)

I've been raiding the Big W 'drop zone' frequently over the past month, hunting down cheap bargains to use as a kind of lucky dip for these holidays. Every couple of days, Spawn will pull something out of the bag before bed, and that will determine what we do the next day. There are craft activities, baking recipes, workbooks, toys, and then bigger 'outing' type things such as zoo membership cards, museum passes, train rides, and Sovereign Hill. We're going to have a fun time, lol.

Still, I'm scared. Perks of having a rambunctious child of Satan, I suppose. Love his guts, but he can be a little intense at times. Much like those Snickers ads - he gets a little ragey when he doesn't get his way, lol.

As an aside, have you seen Fowl Language Comics on Facebook?? Best ever. 

I feel this particular image is appropriate for today, considering the U.S. has legalised gay marriage across the nation! Now, if only we could convince Barack Obama to come to Australia once he has finished his term as President of the United States, then we could have someone guiding Parliament to make great choices for Australia that DO NOT screw over the people!
Hooray Obama! Here's hoping the next US President is on the same scale of awesome as you, and that Australia's next Prime Minister is learning a thing or two from what you've achieved!

Peace out.

- L. xx
(the Tony Abbott despiser.)

Kinky Linky.

Do you ever accumulate so many links across your electronic devices, that you realise, "oh my gosh, I really need to put these all together so I can decide what to do with them!"???
Yeah, me either.

Nothing to see here; these are just recipes I've found and tried and need to tweak to taste. Sick of having so many tabs open on my phone, lol.
Feel free to copy them, if they're you're thing. ;)

Meatballs.
http://www.food.com/recipe/authentic-italian-meatballs-92095

Brownie heaven!! (The sickly sweet mint brownies that have potential)
http://www.domesticsluttery.com/2013/04/baking-for-beginners-after-dinner-mint.html?m=1

Banana bread.
http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/3118/banana+bread

Lemon panna cotta & Madeleines.
http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/756638/lemon-panna-cotta-with-blackberries-and-honey-made

Monkey bread
http://www.marthastewart.com/353261/monkey-bread

Vegetable carbonara
http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/35451/spaghetti+carbonara+with+zucchini+and+yellow+squash

ASD diet recommendation (some useful tips)
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2009/07/gluten-free-casein-free-gfcf-diet-for.html?m=1

Oh, my gosh. Did you really make it this far?? Okay, well peace out!

- L. x

It's Official.

I really am Crazy.....

Well, it's midnight, damn right, we're wound up too tight.
I've got a fist full of whiskey, the bottle just bit me.
Ohhh, that shit makes me batshit crazy.
We've got no fear, no doubt, all-in, balls out.

Quoting lyrics that mention batshit somehow felt appropriate. Possibly because I'm of the strong belief that I may just be BATSHIT CRAZY.

So I have received Spawn's official diagnoses. It reads more like a shopping list of 'how to make parent's go crazy' LOL. The diagnoses include Autism Spectrum Disorder (high-functioning), ADHD, ODD, anxiety and Motor Dyspraxia (DCD). We're currently trialing Ritalin to see if it helps Spawn behave more appropriately in school and so far, so good! Originally, I was never into medicating... I always thought there was some 'magical' way to manage a child's behaviour that didn't involve drugging them. But Ritalin is some kind of wonder drug. The paediatrician told me that it is one of the most studied drugs in the world and doesn't so much 'drug' a child, as it enhances things. Like glasses, except for the brain, not the eyes. Whatever; it's all super confusing and I'm basing decisions on what I feel is the best option for Spawn. It's early days, but so far I'm of the belief that I definitely made the right choice!

As you can imagine, getting a diagnoses as big as the one we got, is scary. Terrifying. Somehow I made it through the appointment without breaking down! I think I was kind of numb? I knew some of it was coming - namely the ASD and ADHD. The rest was a bit of a shock. I didn't even know what 'motor dyspraxia' was, and am still mildly confused about it.

The actual diagnoses don't scare me too much, though. They're just labels, really. It's knowing that one day, Spawn is going to have to deal with these labels. Possibly get discriminated against. Maybe get picked on... Nobody wants their child to endure things like that. Well, nobody in their right mind.

At least now I can rattle off the labels and have people understand what I've been dealing with for the past....well, 5.5 years, really. No wonder my sanity is dissipating so rapidly! Here's hoping that now we have gone through this mammoth process, we can now implement strategies to help Spawn reach his full potential without too much stress. And understand his complex little mind a whole lot more!

Well, that's me for now. I have to go embrace my domesticated side and clean this mess before I pick Spawn up from school in a couple of hours (yay, half days.). Can't believe another term is almost finished!!! Crazy.

Peace out.

- L. x

Oh, Hello.

If a female ferret goes into heat and does not mate, she dies.

How's that for a morbidly curious opening?!

Things are interesting around here at the moment. I turned down a job at a prestigious law firm in Melbourne to play 'good mum' to Spawn. It's not his fault though; I have to admit that turning it down was partly out of fear. I have no doubt that I could have found a way to manage Spawn's crazy school hours and everything else so that I COULD work - I just didn't really want to. I don't want to spend 2.5 hours a day (which equates to AT LEAST 12.5 hours a week, just quietly) commuting to work. Even if I would be doing amazing work that I love, that commuting would kill me. Spawn would be exhausted and no doubt grumpy after having such long days, and I would more than likely spend my weekends wanting to do nothing more than sleep. Never mind the therapy sessions I'd have to find the time to take Spawn to! Jeepers.

So yeah. That happened. Now I feel crap. Nothing worse than realising a dream needs to be postponed until certain circumstances change.

Enough gloom, for now!

Spawn has the big paediatrician appointment tomorrow. I've come to accept it! I have spent the past couple of weeks doing a LOT of research on medications associated with ADHD, along with other management methods. Hopefully the good Doctor is impressed with my research skills! :)
If we come to the conclusion that Spawn may be better off with medication, I can accept that. If we decide on an alternate method, I'm good with that too! I'm just ready to regain a little sanity, after several years of chaos!

As for the ASD aspect of things... I'm ready for that to go to the next level, should the Doctor feel it necessary. I have moments where I think to myself, "I don't see enough ASD traits in Spawn for a diagnosis..." Then there are days where it is super obvious that he could be on the spectrum, albeit on the super high functioning end. It's the behavioural diagnoses that make me happy; everything else is merely details. Details that may help us get funding, but nothing that really changes anything.

So this was a great ramble, wasn't it?! I forgot how good it feels to just write everything down and get it all out of my system! So relieving, like that first pee in the morning...

Peace out.

- L. x

The Life of Anna [Book Review]

The Life of Anna - Marissa Honeycutt
 
Well, where do I start???
No seriously, I don't know where to start! This book actually rendered me speechless.

The Life of Anna is classed as a 'dark erotic' novel, which sets the tone for how this review will go.
The story is full of sex... It almost feels like it's nothing but sex! If it were to be turned into a movie, there would be no saving it like Fifty Shades of Grey - this would go straight to the hard porn section, LOL.

Marissa Honeycutt is one twisted author! Being a dark novel, you know straight away that there is going to be something twisted about it. Whether it's pain, or something more sinister, you know it's coming. Heck, there's even a solid warning at the start of the book (which is actually five books, but I bought the whole series as one big book because I'd heard good reviews about it) stating its darkness. Yet, I continued. What can I say?? I kind of like it dark sometimes. I'm a little dark myself.

However, what I am NOT is... Well, the list is long. I am not:
- a rapist, and there's a LOT of rape.
- a pedophile, and at one point in the book, it is revealed that the 'bad guy' basically molested a three-day old baby. Yep, told you, it's gross.
- a torturer, and the book is about sex slavery, basically. A bunch of the "men" in the book would more than likely have killed Anna, had she not been trained (basically since she was 12) to tolerate a man's wants. Bleh.
- incestuous.

This world is twisted, no doubt. I actually didn't plan on continuing reading this book after learning that Devin "claimed" Anna as a baby, but then I got sucked back in, because I knew this book ended with a happily ever after and well, I was curious. So at any mention of the "claiming", I skipped a few paragraphs and read on. However, I couldn't help but feel mildly disgusted with myself. Why am I still reading this filth??? I tasted bile in my mouth on more than one occasion...

What kept me reading, I hear you ask? Well, enter the Germans. Jesus, they sounded tall and handsome. Yummy. As did some of the other characters in the book. Whilst the story was dark, there were captivating elements, such as reading along as Anna became stronger and more independent. She was even happy at one point in the story. And yes, the pedophilia stuff is hinted at early on in the story, but I kind of remained oblivious to the yucky bits until it was shoved under my nose. By which point, I was hooked. Damn authors.

I know you're curious about some of the gross stuff.
Basically, the owners of the sex slaves are part of a Brotherhood. A Brotherhood that rules the world. The Brotherhood includes 'Elders': these guys rule countries (or states, in the case of the US) and aren't all super bad guys. Some of them are actually nice. Like the Germans. I like the Germans. I now have a desire to marry a German, so he can whisper sweet German nothings into my ear whilst he makes love to me.... Ahhhh.
I digress. To become an Elder, you must first become an Elder-Son. Basically, the legitimate first-born son of an Elder. This process involves lots of sex. Both hetero and homosexual. Immortals come into play as well, with their super large wangs that could tear humans in half, if they so desired. Creepy, right??!
As an Elder-Son, you are required to get married.Prior to the wedding, there are rituals, which vary depending on your family's traditions. The Germans are to be teased and aroused until their wang essentially grows and is perpetually hard until consummation after the wedding... During this process, the Elder-Son is fucked by the Elders - including his father. WHAT.
Yep, it's true. And Anna is shared amongst the German family. She sleeps with not only the son, but also his brother AND his father. His father even impregnates her at one point - on purpose. It's so twisted, but tame in comparison to the rest of the story.

So anyway, this book is both arousing and disgusting. I had to stop reading many times, due to being grossed out or turned on. Thankfully, never both at the same time. I feel dirty after finishing the book, but did enjoy the happily ever after. I enjoyed it immensely. The bastard got what's coming to him, yay. :)

3.5 stars, as it's well written (for the most part) and was able to reel me in, even when I was so grossed out I wanted to hunt the author down and get her admitted into a psychiatric hospital.

Peace out.

- L. x

Why 'NO' sets off defiant children.

But first; we had our appointment with the Dr yesterday, regarding Spawn's behaviour and reports, as per his school's request. Didn't learn a whole lot, mostly due to Spawn being horrifically loud and disruptive, but also as the Dr is referring us to the paediatrition to get an official diagnoses regarding the ASD and to possibly medicate Spawn - scary business.
It has been determined that Spawn has ADHD, which explains a LOT. He also more than likely has HFA and it is my understanding that the two together will make things interesting! Managing the ADHD could result in his ASD traits being further stimulated, which could backfire severely, for obvious reasons. So now I'm scared. Very scared.
I always swore I would never medicate my child when it comes to calming him down (well, before he had obvious behavioural issues, these were my thoughts) and yet, here I am considering it, after being told by a couple of specialists working with Spawn that it may help him a lot. Or it could backfire and make him worse. Awesome!

So anyway, this was posted in a wonderful group I'm in and I felt I had to share (and put it somewhere I can easily find it at a later date).

Why the Word "No" Sets off an Oppositional, Defiant Child
Many parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don’t like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they’re confused about why nothing works. They tell me they feel isolated and lonely because they can’t socialize with other families due to their child’s behavior. Certainly things like sleepovers, days at the beach, parties—all those activities become affected by this kind of child. It’s not surprising that these families have a harder time in general, and often wind up emotionally, spiritually, and functionally bankrupt. The other siblings grow up in an atmosphere of intimidation and frustration. Attempts to just get the oppositionality to stop, however well-intentioned, are often met with frustration and failure. As a parent of a child with ODD, your strategy has to be to learn how to manage the oppositionality in a way that slowly leads to its extinction. In the thirty years I worked with kids with ODD, I found that the following strategies helped improve their behavior and taught them how to cope when someone told them “no.”
As a parent of an oppositional, defiant child, every day brings a new fight as you try to exercise your authority.

Why “No” Triggers an Explosion
Nobody likes the word no, especially children and adolescents. “No” means disappointment, “no” means not getting what you want, and that’s frustrating and disappointing for everyone. Most children learn to deal with this somewhere around the age of two and three, when their personality actually forms. Over time, they develop the ability to balance their inner wants and needs with outside expectations and responsibility. But for kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the message they internalize is, “If I’m not in control, bad things happen. When bad things are happening around me, the only way I can survive is by being in control.” They react to the word “no” with yelling, threats, punching the wall or hurting one of their siblings. And the more chaos and inconsistency they perceive in their lives, the more they feel the need to stay in control.
For many of these kids, oppositionality and defiance become a way of reacting to authority. Every day brings a new fight as you try to exercise your authority. Whereas many children learn to accept that they can’t be in control all the time, children with ODD often experience a sense of panic when they see they’re not getting control. Their parents learn to walk around on tiptoes, and too many of them blame themselves or try to find some person, place or thing to point the finger at instead of focusing on the task at hand, which is, “How can I teach my child how to manage things today?”

Three Ways to De-escalate Oppositional, Defiant Behavior
“No” is a powerful word. All children have to learn how to deal with it, and children with ODD are no different. But there are things parents can do to avoid or escape from explosive behavior, or to redirect their child’s behavior.
I want you to remember those words: “Avoid", "Escape" and “Redirect.” Because we want to try to avoid conflicts with ODD kids, or escape those conflicts as soon as we can, and redirect them toward something positive.

• Avoid the Conflict

One of the ways we avoid conflict is by having a written structure posted some place where everyone can see it, like on your refrigerator, for example. This is really a schedule that would look like the following:
Daily Schedule
Snack and relax: 3:30-4:00 p.m.
Chores and homework: 4:00-to 5:00 p.m..
Free time: 5:00-6:00 p.m.
Dinner: 6:00 p.m.
Free time after dinner: 7:00 to 7:30 p.m.
Homework: 7:30 to 8:00 p.m.
Bedtime: 8:30 p.m.
I think these kids do better if they come home from school or daycamp, have a little snack, do some chores or homework, have brief play time, and then have dinner. After that they can do a few more chores, have some free time, then go to bed. Evenings need to be as subdued as possible. When you have such a schedule and your child says, “I want to play now,” you can say, “You know the schedule, Tommy. Playtime isn’t till after dinner.” Now in this case, although you’re saying no, you’re really re-focusing that child on the schedule. Understanding the schedule and internalizing the structure are important coping skills that kids with ODD need to develop. So you’re accomplishing two things here: You’re avoiding a direct fight with “no,” and you’re focusing on structure and scheduling, which are coping skills these kids need to learn.
And as a parent, remember that the idea is to not to think about yourself as giving in, but rather, you’re avoiding situations where there's a higher risk of your child acting out. So if you find yourself having to avoid too many situations when you’re at the mall because of the fear of outbursts, my recommendation is that you avoid going to the mall with that child until he’s at the skill level where he can handle it.
 

• Escape from Fights

The other strategy we want to look at is “Escape.” Once the fight with your child is starting or has begun escalating, you need to find a way to get out of it. First of all, you can state your position, turn around and walk away and not respond to the child’s backtalk. So, for example, you can say, “It’s not time for you to play video games now. It’s time for you to clean your room,” and then turn around and remove yourself from the argument. There are cases where you will find that a kid with ODD is backtalking to parents as they're on their way to do the chore you asked them to do in the first place. Sometimes it seems that their mouth and body are moving in two different directions! Don’t let yourself be pulled into the backtalk, either. Just simply go about your business and do something else.
Redirect your child’s behavior
The third important step in the plan to de-escalate the oppositional behavior is to “Redirect” the child. Redirecting is a strategy you can use when the child’s behavior starts to escalate. You can say, “Remember, you want to watch that show at 6:30, so stay focused,” and then turn around and walk away. This redirects their attention to something else and teaches them to focus on something other than the argument. Redirecting is also helpful in situations where there have been conflicts in the past, and where you know an explosion is likely. You can distract your child by getting him to do something differently early in the escalation period. So when you see that he is starting to get agitated, that’s the time to send him to do some alternate task that can be helpful for the family. For instance, “Please go get the lettuce out of the refrigerator and wash it for the salad. That would be a big help.”

•   Stop Throwing Fuel on the Fire

I think it’s important for parents to understand that once a kid with ODD starts arguing about being told “no,” he gets very invested in the process of arguing as much as the outcome. So in effect, the argument fuels itself. The first thing parents have to do is stop throwing fuel on the fire: Don’t argue or talk back to the child. State the rule, state the expectation or the task at hand, and walk away. When times are calm, sit down with your child and have a discussion and say, briefly and concisely, “I don't think arguing helps us solve our problems. So I’m not going to argue with you anymore. And the time you spend talking back and arguing with me when I’m not responding will be taken off your computer time tonight. 2 minutes for every 1 minute you argue.” Don’t overly explain or justify by giving examples. Tell him the rule, but don’t sit there and get into an argument about it. Get up and move on to something else. Expect him to argue right then and there. But understand that the best way you can deal with children with this particular disorder is to lay out a structure and stick with it.
I think it’s important for parents to remember that many of these kids do develop coping skills, it’s just that, as the poet Theodore Roethke said, “a slow growth is a hard thing to endure.” Time helps with these guys. Age helps. And they can learn problem-solving and negotiation skills, it just takes a little longer, and will take more patience on your part. Stick to a plan that on one end is flexible enough to deal with their impulses, but on the other is firm enough to hold them strictly accountable, and I believe you will see real change.

Peace out.

- L. x

Translations:
ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder
ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
HFA - High-Functioning Autism (or Aspergers, as it was known until 2013)

I like it Rough.

Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Does anyone ever sync youtube through the sound system and blare random playlists whilst they clean the house?? I love doing this - some of the most random songs ever always make an appearance!

Today, I cleaned the walls (among other things). Probably the most tedious task ever, so I researched ways to make it easier/more exciting than simply scrubbing the walls with a sponge doused in sugar soap...

Want to know the easy way to clean walls? Read on! :)

• First, dust the walls so you're not smearing the specs of dead skin and other gross stuff all over the place. Dry dust is one thing, but it's significantly more annoying once it gets wet!
• Then, grab a magic eraser block thing. These are one of the best inventions since the mobile phone! Follow the eraser directions and scrub at the more stubborn marks such as texta, handprints, scuff marks, etc. 
• Next up, you can go one of two ways. You can either fill a bucket with water and multipurpose cleaner and use a cloth to wipe down the walls, or you can buy a refill pack of those dettol floor cleaner things and use those to clean the walls! I went with the latter today because I wanted it to be as easy as possible! 
• Once you've finished cleaning the walls, grab some dryer sheets (I was fortunate to have a friend send me a bunch of awesome smelling ones - shame I don't have a dryer!) and wipe the walls and skirting boards. (you know, that wood that runs along the bottom of the wall?) These, as I discovered during my research, help REPEL dust, meaning you wont have to clean as often! YAY! (I'll report back on whether or not this is actually true.)
• Once you've completed your wall cleaning duties, grab your (clean) mop, a glass of wine, and crank some tunes to dance to whilst you admire your clean walls before unleashing your spawn to dirty them once more.

I am currently up to the last step. I bought myself a lovely bottle of red for mothers day and felt it necessary to 'test' the wine before sharing it with others tomorrow. ;)

Today's Playlist: (sample)
Three Days Grace - Pain
Hilary Duff - Chasing the Sun
David Guetta ft. Ne-Yo & Akon - Play Hard <--best cleaning song ever.
Ke$ha - The Harold Song
Andy Grammer - Honey, I'm Good
Hilary Duff - All About You
Christina Perri - Human
Go Comet! - Worlds Apart

This was similar to my actions earlier, lol.

Words of Wisdom.

Note to self:
I am allowed to cry.
I am allowed to scream.
But... I am not allowed to give up.
It will all get done somehow; just breathe.

Nobody ever said parenting is easy. Actually, I'm pretty sure I was told repeatedly prior to entering motherhood that parenting is one of the hardest things I'd ever do. Still, I never expected it to be THIS difficult. I'm not much of a drinker (thank you binge-drinking teenage self!), yet I find myself constantly craving a glass of red, or a shot of tequila - pretty much anything that will take the edge off and let me cut loose for a minute or so.

But alas, that would require spending money on myself. And doing so results in mummy guilt, because Lord forbid I spend even a few dollars on myself!! :/
Mummy guilt is one of the worst things ever! Seriously, parenting is hard enough! Why do we torture ourselves by neglecting our basic need to feel good??!

Diagnosis is one step closer to completion....whatever the diagnosis may be. Spawn's school psychologist did this test that shows what a child MAY have. Spawn has markers for so many behavioural disorders! Some of which weren't a surprise - namely ADHD and ODD - however, to learn he scored so high in some areas was a bit of an eye-opener. How do I deal with this?? How HAVE I been dealing with this??!! Then I take note of myself and realise exactly how I've been dealing with it. By neglecting myself. From my neglected hair, to my neglected nails, right down to my faded old clothes and bad skin. Don't forget my weight. Jesus, my weight. I've cracked 100kg since the diagnosis process began. I hovered there for a little while previously, but had never actually cracked that satanic figure - until now. You'd think it would be motivation enough to kickstart me into doing something to lose the weight, but I lack the ability to care.

That's the thing about depression - you stop CARING. About EVERYTHING. I don't care that my hair looks like crap. I don't care that my skin is horrible. I don't care that I appear unapproachable and bitchy. I don't care that I cannot remember the last time I wore mascara (quite a feat considering I would NEVER have left the house without it even a couple of years ago!). I just DON'T. CARE. Which is the truly terrible thing about it all. Spawn has all he needs, and that's all that matters. Well, that appears to be the thought process inside my head. But he doesn't really have all he needs, because his mother - his ONLY parent - is a shell of a human. A large, ugly shell, who cannot remember the last time she truly felt happy.

I propose a resolution: let us all resolve to change things. Put ourselves above our child's possessions. Because really, what is the point in having a bunch of toys if your parents wont get down on the floor and laugh and play with you?

Peace out.

- L. x